My Favourite Gift Today

Our newest best carebear friend gave the Box a fine book today entitled "What Happens When Women Pray". It's a used text published in 1975 with an inscription that reads:

Dear Jenny,

Thank you for all your time and concern. I've been really encouraged by the work you're doing for the Lord. It's the greatest thing to see you growing and struggling to stay right with God. I praise and thank God for you. I'll be praying for you, and your sister as well throughout the summer. I hope you have a good one.

God Bless
Love XO

Betty-Ann

P.S. Join me in struggling to put into practice the things in this book. Let's fight Satan together. Amen! Romans 8: 35-39


First of all, I'm going to sign all of my letters from now on "Let's fight Satan together" because that's the best thing I've heard in a while! Second, the title and table of contents of this book are hilarious when the word "pray" is substituted for the word "masturbate".

What Happens When Women Masturbate

Contents:

Introduction
Masturbation is the Answer
It Doesn't Take So Long
Masturbating in One Accord
The Method-- Six S's
How to Masturbate in God's Will
God Never Makes a Mistake
The Space Dimension of Masturbation-- Where We Masturbate
The Time Dimension of Masturbation-- When We Masturbate
The Vertical Dimension of Masturbation-- To Whom We Masturbate
The Horizontal Dimension of Masturbation-- Results
Forgiven as We Forgive
Telephone Masturbation Chains


Oh blasphemous procrastination. Is there anything better?