No human emotion can be sustained indefinitely.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

grabby tail

I'm having a mildly ridiculous day! It's kind of like a sick day without the sickness. I've been watching bad morning television, which is difficult but not impossible. I got in some maury, view, and now zooboomafoo. woot.

so my macelod is gone on an adventure and i am left a fey without my poehler. i'm surviving though. i start baby camp next week and i'm so excited! i think i'm most excited about my upcoming trip to the dollarstore! i know it's wrong, but i love that place! especially when i'm spending someone else's money!

numbness chronicle-wise my body is back except for my arms and hands which are still having some function trouble. ah well. i may be starting yet another drug adventure soon!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

spring fever!

June! Time for health foods and some serious academia! I've been drinking green tea, writing poetry, gardening, and dancing around with smoke curls of incense. Despite all of the self care I'm still numb. It's week five now and my feet are almost completely back, which is wonderful and hopeful! My hands are still not in good shape and my energy is up and down. Yesterday I had all kinds of grand plans and I just couldn't do it. I've done a lot of sleeping lately.

Anyway, things are lovely in general.

stuff i meant to write down:

Everyone has to come to my place on Canada day to watch fireworks on the balcony! Victoria day was amazing!

I also got to spend some lovely time with a 6 week old baby last week, which makes me happy! He slept on my chest for like half an hour.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

chocolate is forbidden

i'm quite bitter at the moment. there's something very wrong with the fact that my body hasn't been functioning for three weeks now and i'm still putting off changing my diet and my life style in an attempt to do something about it. inspirational stories make me want to puke. all i want to do right now is tear down people's hope. this does not help anyone.

i read the ms diet book until it said chocolate was forbidden. then i got stuck on the fact that i didn't want to live in a world where chocolate was forbidden. maybe it's a self-esteem thing where i feel like i actually can't do this. maybe it's extreme laziness.

i don't want to change my diet, i don't want to take the injections, i don't want to sort out the paper work, and i don't want to be numb.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

uncomfortably numb

i haven't written in awhile due to the fact that i'm in the midst of my first ms attack in 2 years. i'm numb from the neck down and my fingers aren't working s typing is difficult. i no longer subscribe to the rules of capitalization. this is what that sentence looks like if my hands are in the proper position:

i no longer xubsceribe xo gvfhj ruesw of wap0utaqoisastu9inws,

a little rough at the end there. i'll try to update more often.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm a rockin' Vagina DJ

I don't know what it is about those Black Eyed Peas, but almost every song they've ever put out seems so stupid at first, and then it becomes unbearable to go through a day without listening to it three or four times. Except that stupid graduation-y song... that one is just unbearable.

I came home today before the storm hit, jumped in the shower to cool off after walking around in the sunshine, and when I got out the wind had picked up so much that I had to throw on a skirt and tank top and run out on the balcony to rescue my couch cushions and other balcony accessories. As I rushed around collecting all of our stuff the wind nearly knocked me over and it wouldn't stop blowing my skirt up over my head. So if you were on Yonge street near my place today around 6:20pm, you're welcome!

I've been off the blogging for just over a week now due to final paper time, but I am now officially done my course work and I'm taking a little break before I head into thesisizing. Yay! I've done very little all week. Responsibilities pick up a little next week, but not too badly! There will be plenty of time for napping! I'm realizing that being out of school might mean that I have to budget my restaurant spending a little more. All I want is lunch specials when I'm here for lunch time! Very dangerous. I may have to invest in some fancy cheeses and satisfy my lunch cravings with delicious grilled cheese. This seems like a reasonable solution.

Oh yeah, my team raised $1,534.50 for the MS Walk! Go team!

Monday, April 13, 2009

nonononononononono NO!

I am kicking and screaming into this next essay. So tired! Just want to eat snacks and watch X files! Bad bad bad. How come napping doesn't produce papers?

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Comin' Atcha!

On April 19th I'm participating in the MS walk for the second year and I'm excited! Team Comin' Atcha! will be enthusiastic and accompanied by a puppy. We will also eat as much free food as possible. If you're only going to to donate to one cause, pick this one! Donations of $20 or more get a tax credit, but every little bit helps. If you'd like to pledge me or my team clickhere and search Rebecca Wood. Help me raise some sweet cash for MS research and supporting people with MS and their families! Since being diagnosed three years ago (in June) I figure if I walk now, maybe when I need it the funds will be there for me and my support network.

From the MS Society of Canada website:

What is multiple sclerosis?

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an unpredictable, often disabling disease of the central nervous system — the brain and spinal cord. The disease attacks the protective myelin covering of the central nervous system, causing inflammation and often destroying the myelin in patches. In its most common form, MS has well defined attacks followed by complete or partial recovery. The severity of MS, progression and specific symptoms cannot be predicted at the time of diagnosis.

Who gets multiple sclerosis?

Multiple sclerosis can occur at any age. It is usually diagnosed between the ages of 15 to 40, during the career and family building years. It can make its first appearance in young children and in older adults. MS is more than three times as likely to occur in women than in men and is seen most commonly in people of northern European background.

What are some common MS symptoms?

MS symptoms are unpredictable and vary greatly from person to person. Symptoms may include: vision disturbances such as double or blurred vision; extreme fatigue; loss of balance; problems with coordination; stiffness of muscles; speech problems; bladder and bowel problems; short-term memory problems, and even partial or complete paralysis. Please keep in mind, not all people with MS will experience all symptoms and often the symptoms will improve during periods of remission.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Sodomize Intolerance

Last night Jess and I had the perfect rainy day evening to reenergize our moods and our love for one another! We went for some delicious pasta and then headed back to my house after a quick stop at HMV where we enjoyed the end of Forgetting Sarah Marshall and all of the special features. It's becoming apparent that we are developing another painful irrational crush. Let's face it the screaming, squealing and holding of breath has been going on for weeks and now and the dreams have started. Baby it hurts to love them! They would just love us so much! Why don't we know them?

After Sarah Marshall we watched some youtube, some Baz Luhrman Romeo and Juliet, and then we listened to his sunscreen song and reminisced about grade eight dances and overwhelming love for Leo. Sometimes it's terrifying to me that those moments are gone. My memory of those dances feels so close. They were so intensely steeped in emotion! I'm not good with endings. I never have been.

Today I did some craft show running around and now I'm watching Moulin Rouge and periodically doing dishes. I don't want to do school work tonight. So I won't. Bah! I just learned last weekend that there are actual rules to doing dishes. Am I the only one that didn't know this? My dad used to tell me he'd give me a lesson on how to wash dishes and I always thought he was just trying to trick me into doing dishes! Anyway... dishes and movies. That's what I need right now.

Friday, April 03, 2009

in need of dry socks

I'm feeling bizarre and unsettled. Maybe it's just a rainy day feeling, or maybe it's the ominous cloud of 'ending' hovering over me despite the fact that the end is actually weeks and pages away. I'm disturbed, disquieted, discomforted.

Today was a day of scissors and glue, and babies and boys. A day of poetry, eating, sharing, and worrying. I sat in class and channeled my anxiety into peeling little flecks of orange paint off of my pencil, trying to reveal all of the soft wood, bending and chipping my nails looking for that organic centre.

My feet are damp and my heart feels soggy.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Oh be joyful! Oh be joyful! Oh be joyful put your sorrows away!

It's so amazing that last I had six people in my apartment that I have known for almost ten years, 12 years, or 18 years respectively. We just fell back together and made our taco salad, lit candles, sang grace, reflected on our lives, and talked about the future. It was an intimate camp night and it was lovely. Seven people is just about the right amount to fit in my living room and around my dining room table. This was the first time since I moved in to the apartment that I've actually had a dinner party and it was so great! I even made an impromptu cake because nobody brought dessert.

It as all very camp-like... except for the addition of the wine. Winey wine wine. Between the seven of us we drank seven regular bottles and one magnum. Yowza yowza! We were a little smammered by the time we got into bed at 2am. We were even too drunk to sing. That's pretty drunk. But it was so nice!

This morning the crowd dissipated and around ten the four of us who were left went for breakfast and Dizzy's. Yum Benny's! Then they stayed and helped me do dishes which is wonderful because I would likely still have a giant stack of dishes if it weren't for them!

Lovely lovely times. Now I must hunker down school styles and get through these last two weeks. It's getting serious baby!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm robbing you. Don't freak out.

Turns out the anxiety of last Wednesday night was actually the onset of a violent violent flu. No amount of poking could have stopped the flu induced anxiety! I woke up periodically feeling nauseous all Wednesday night until I gave in at 5:30am Thursday morning and vomited painfully and feverishly and continued to do so twice more before 7:15am. At that point I called my boss to say that I could not hang out with the tinys on Thursday, which was sad but very necessary, and then I lay on my couch trying not to puke all day. That was the worst of it though. Friday I managed to eat a rice cake with peanut butter on it and some egg fried rice for supper and since then I've been slowly increasing my food intake.

I'm heading into my two weeks of academic pain right now... potentially more than two weeks, but hopefully it won't be so bad. I've had to get an extension on a paper due tomorrow because it's just not happening, but maybe I'll crank that one out between today and tomorrow so I can move on to the next paper fiasco. It be a fiasco.

So all of you out there that are desiring my presence... you're not getting it for awhile. After this Saturday I'm declaring no more socializing until April 10th. Good Friday will be good indeed. After that I'll have all kinds of free time where we can have coffee and I can feel panicked about not doing a whole different kind of work. Yes? Yes.

Also, I feel it's important that you all know that I will not be playing the Twitter game. I'm out. No tweeting for me. I only know one person on twitter and he hates being communicated with, so I declare that I just don't get it, and I'm out. I just can't keep up, though I kind of like the bird metaphors.

Spring makes me want to buy things and that is a problem!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hold devil's pot of tea Mulan!

Thank that sweet God of War for my Steve who makes me feel better with silly videos. Willis! Willis!

We've Got the Sparks

Everything before 4pm today was wonderful! First I had a lovely dream where I met Judd Apatow, Jason Seagal and Ryan Reynolds and Apatow agreed to make a movie that I pitched to him and was really excited to introduce me to Seth Rogan, and I got lots of hugs with Jason. We're best friends now. That's right.

Then I headed over to baby camp where I hung out with 11 wonderful 3-4 year olds. There was much glueing, singing, hand holding, and wiping of runny noses. You know you're back into it when you say things like "Oh hello Mr. _____ (I like to call little kids Mr. and Ms.) I'm quite an expert nose blower. Can I help you with that drip you've got?" and then I hold a kleenex up to their little nose and they blow. Twice for good measure.

It was very wonderful to be back in it and get little hugs and hold little hands. I'm excited for tomorrow, except for the part where I leave early to go to my class that I am not prepared for. Yeesh. I was feeling so amazing about school and life at the beginning of this week and then 4pm hit and it all when to hell. My heart started palpitating and I've been on the verge of caffeine/anxiety induced tears for the past four hours. Less coffee tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Made to Bend in the Wind

For some reason daylight savings for Steve and I meant switch our body clocks entirely. This is not good. All week we've been staying up past four and then struggling (and mostly failing) to wake up in the morning. Not good!

In the bluster of today one of our balcony couch cushions flew off our balcony and on to one below us so now I have to play the awkward game of knocking on doors. Hopefully it will be okay.

In addition to my lack of sleep I've also done a lack of school work, which is troublesome. I just want to play!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Can't wait for next week's episode! Oh wait, I'll just watch it now.

My current lack of sleep is lining up nicely with Mulder's lack of sleep in the episodes of X files season two that Steve and I are watching right now. It's so funny watching these water-cooler type shows like ten years (or more I guess) after the fact. I wasn't quite old enough to be into the X files when they first came out, I just know the opening credits credits creeped me out. I kind of did the same thing with Buffy last year where I just kind of wanted to go back to grade eight and talk to everyone about the wacky plot twists. Does anyone care that right now I just want to know what happened to Scully! Damn that Duane Barry! I'm an after-the-fact nerd. I think next I'll have to take on ER, because that was another show that I didn't really have anything to say about in grade eight. What a bizarre dvd time we live in.