watching the whites of my eyes turn red

I have four hours of school to get through before the holidays, and even though this entire semester has seemed like a challenge the cosmos seem to be putting me through some sort of final test. I'm struggling to balance my two lives and it's not fun. On one side I have Toronto life that is dark and sad and stressful. I don't have a great sense of what's going on there. There's death and family and relationships and I'm trying to figure out how all of them work in my life right now. On the other side there's Goolife where my worries are more superficial in terms of marks and exams but distractions of baking, jumping on the bed, and CSI are far more accessible in the Box. In the middle there is general anxiety, health concerns, body issues, and sleep deprivation. And that just branches out to both sides connecting the whole thing together. Right now I'd rather be hiding in the Box in an exam stress cloud. Of my stress options that one seems the most appealing. But I can't. And even when I come back from this whole thing on Monday, I still have another exam to get through. And then I'm back in Toronto. I'm feeling flattened and spread out between my two lives and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm so frustrated that I can't have my Goolife merged into my Toronto life as much as I need to. It's like the camp Pygmalian affect. I didn't learn how to do that from camp, I just transfered my camp self to the goo.