"I ran out of time for Masturbation"- Prof. Smith

No sleep=funny. I conciously decided last night not to sleep. I think it's kind of good for me to do that every once in a while. I get all zen-like and calm. The paper is done. I'm considering posting it as Matt requested, but it's really not that good. It's kind of boring surface level stuff about social controls working to maintain the taboo around anal sex for women. Maybe I'll post it with the caveat that it's not my best, and there are a number of yoda sentences in it that I couldn't bother fixing. Meh.

But yes, not sleeping was so good. It's nice to sort of experience time in a different way. It's a wierd feeling to watch the clouds get lighter and still be dealing with the stresses and thought processes of the day before. There's just no closure. It was definitely nice not to have to deal with the dreams though. They've been rather upsetting lately. I took my magic time and I wrote for an hour straight. I feel like all I do is write at the moment, but it was so comforting to take a moment and write something for myself. I haven't done that since the last week of September. I think I should make a point of staying up all night every six months or so, just to clear my head. Everyone keeps telling me to breath and relax and do something for myself, but I just can't. There's too much other stuff going on all the time. By staying up all night last night I ended up in this quiet physical space and I was so emotionally and mentally drained that though I couldn't sleep, I wasn't capable of much else. This debilitation was sort of liberating. I like the way I feel when I don't sleep. I like the way I think and the way that my inhibitions are lowered.

I took a two hour nap today, but that's it. I don't know how late I'll push through tonight. It's strange. Not sleeping for one night makes me want to push it. It makes me feel like maybe I don't know how to sleep anymore. Thank God my chihua visited me today or I wouldn't have napped at all.