everytime I look down I miss everything, every time I look up, I just trip over things

As it turns out my body can not handle drinking a pot of tea and one of those double shot energy drinks. Man, that anxiety group wasn't kidding when they told me to cut out caffeine. So I'm sitting her racing, thinking about everything I have to do, but I can't focus long enough to get anything done. I'm addicted to taking shit on. I'm thinking of applying for a job. That's crazy right? It's crazy. But I have no money. And no way to get money if I don't get a job. I have to try. But I'm not focussed enough right now to actually e-mail job contacts without embarassing myself. God my heart is pounding.

Jess and I have watched nine episodes of Lost this weekend and we're going to watch another one tonight. So much Lost. Yesterday was almost too much lost. I got that same sort of feeling as that day when I watched too many episodes of the Sopranos after having watched almost three seasons while I was recovering from my wisdom teeth removal. It was just a series of really violent episodes that left me in a crying depressed heap for days. I haven't watched the Sopranos since that day. I managed to take a break from the Lost watching before I hit that point of no return because I've been right fragile this weekend. Kind of impressively fragile for a week when I don't have my period. Or perhaps more that I don't have my period as a pretend excuse for why I'm so fragile.