Xeriscape. I don't have any titles that start with X.

In a few minutes another group of three is going to arrive to see my house. I get all jittery like 20 minutes before and I don't know what to do with myself. I've been through all of my notes in the last hour to prepare for my Women in China midterm tomorrow. I don't feel prepared yet, so I suppose after these people leave I'll make a quick snack and then go back to studying. I don't know why I have such a block up about this midterm. I just have to strap my eye patch on and get it over with, then I'll feel much better.

This week is International Women's Day so I have a lot of stuff to do for the Centre in terms of preperation and organizing. I've tried to advertise as much as I can, but it's rough. I feel like the process of my work is all in my mind which is counter to my whole plan of leaving this position with a clear guide for the next person to pick up and to really know what they need to be doing and how to do it. I feel like I'm working backwards in terms of my organizational skills, but I guess I just have to accept that that's how it has to be. It's all very exciting. Right now my goal is to bring in more money for the Centre than I spend on events, then I'll feel okay.

I'm up and down from full-on anxiety and feelings of accomplishment, which is very strange. I'm feeling very disconnected right now. Last night I had an impromptu sleep-over with a new friend, which was really great. We're anxiety twins, so it's kind of interesting to step back and listen to us supporting one another while at the same time knowing that we're not listening to ourselves saying words that we need to hear. I'm not sure if we're listening to each other. I think it's just comforting to find someone who is in the same world and speaking the same language of stress, pressures and emotional capacity. We also watched SNL and videos on YouTube, so it wasn't all serious.

I'm feeling kind of numb today. I think it's a combination the onslaught of disturbing dreams lately, the fact that I feel really behind in school, being a cyclops, and missing Steve's move and setting up his whole new world. I'm just out here in the snowy goo-loph and my body hurts and my mind is tired and I'd rather spend today sleeping.