I paid how much for this?

Well now that the semester is over it's time post some sweet sweet professorial quotes, starting with some from my Sexuality and the Stage class. Yes folks, this is post secondary education. Here's some of what I learned this semester!

About the gays and the army:

"Put down you guns and have a dance!"


Who's gay?:

"Those metrosexuals, they're the vain men. They're almost gay their so vain!"


On March of the Penguins:

"Remember those gay penguins? Well not only did they have the sex, they were also in love, or lived their hut or whatever penguins do."


About straight men and porn:

"If you find one woman sexy, two women would be twice as sexy."


On turning lesbians straight:

"That's just a really sexy challenge."


On identifying lesbians:

"Not that all lesbians don't have long hair and wear lipstick. Like heterosexuals they run the gamut."


An example of a doggerel poem invented on the spot:

I walked my dog along the street
But it was hard in the heat
I went to the store to get some lox
But I couldn't fit it in my box
I went home to have a hot toddy
With my good boyfriend Roddy

(after thought: "Hunh, that turned out kind of gay, didn't it?")


Biographical information about one of the playwrights:

"Mordant Shairp, a very gay name."


On dating:

"I've never understood Starbucks cruising... 'can I (suavely) get you a muffin?"


On lesbian sex:

"I've nver experienced it, but it's my understanding that lesbian sex is just great."


On suggestive names:

"Bunbury... bury bun... bury something in a bun... What do you put in a bun?... Maybe a hot dog?"


On Richard Simmons:

"He's trying to pretend somehow that he's a guy."


On open relationships:

"Straight people call themselves swingers. Gay people just call themselves promiscuous gay people."


On Captain Jack Sparrow:

"He's the fop from hell... or Keith Richards.


Trying to remember something:

(after a long pause) "What did I watch with castration in it the other day?"


On female identities:

"You're either a heterosexual woman, or you're some queer dyke lesbian outlaw."


On the anal stage:

"When the child is obsessed with their bumbum."


An offensive statement about native's and drugs:

"And your mother is taking the native form of valium... maybe it's peyote... I don't know."


Being angry that I caught him in a shoddy argument:

"Now I'm not necessarily saying you're smart Rebecca, but I'm saying you watch Seinfeld in a smart way."


About Ellen DeGeneres' Comedy:

"She does that annoyance kind of comedy like Seinfeld. You know; 'I bought a coffee... it was troublesome.'"


Wow there was a lot more than I thought. Just a little insight into how much I learned this semester.