Sex with Bex #5

The theme for this issue was drugs... hence the preamble. And I just got an angry letter about one of these responses... can you guess which one?


Sex and drugs tend to get combined in terms of aphrodisiacs, lowering inhibitions, enhancing pleasure, and really it’s what all the “bad” kids are doing! The trouble with getting high and then having sex is that people are more likely to forgo taking steps towards safer sex making the whole sex and drugs combo a little more risky and questionable in terms of STIs and pregnancy. If you’re planning for a wild night… or, I suppose, a relaxed night of sex and drugs make sure to have condoms or dental dams (or both) handy. They should be as essential as that water bottle next to your bed that you plan to chug before you go to sleep.

Bex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!


Hi Bex,

I’m a man and my girlfriend has a big problem with oral sex. She's immediately grossed out if one of my pubes touches her face and as a result, I RARELY ever get head. I've tried tweezing but it fucking hurts, bikini wax strips had the same result, and trimming or snipping will just make the pubes pointy and painful for sex for her. What's the best way to help her be more comfortable with oral sex, and what's the best way for me to get rid of pubic hair?

Pokey Pete


Hey there Pokey,

If tweezing and waxing doesn’t make you happy I would say don’t do it! Definitely take steps to help your girlfriend be more comfortable, but they’re your pubes, and if you like having them around then that’s something your girlfriend will have to respect. With that in mind, I think that doing a little trimming might be helpful for her just in case your pubic hair is a little overwhelming. Keep in mind trimming doesn’t have to be down to stubble sized, you can keep it long enough that it won’t become short and stabby and thus problematic when things get penetrative. One thing I would suggest would be to see if your girlfriend feels comfortable gripping the base of your penis with one of her hands while giving you oral sex. That way her hand can act as a pubic hair barricade (hairicade?), and she won’t have to worry about your hair touching her face while she does her oral thing. This is often a suggested oral sex technique for people who don’t feel comfortable or take in as much as they would like during oral sex, so it will still work in terms of pleasure for you because the hand around the base of your penis gives the sensation of a more all-around wang-to-mouth experience.


Dear Bexual Intercourse,

I am planning a weekend getaway all by myself and I have to admit, I'm thinking of getting a couple of one night stands in. I will be in another province and can pretend to be anything I want. Whaddaya think? Is a little consensual sex with no follow-up whatsoever totally immoral?

Sincerely,

Jimmy Bond


Hi James,

I don’t think there’s anything particularly immoral about having consensual sex type one night stands as long as you’re not misleading about what your intentions are, and people are sober enough to make that choice. I think there’s a lot of potential for someone getting hurt in a one-night-stand situation, but as long as everyone is comfortable and knows what their consenting to, I can’t see any trouble. You should be careful about the “pretending to be anything you want” part because a slip up in your secret identity could be hugely problematic in a situation where sex can become intimate and vulnerable for people, even in a one night stand situation. I think being upfront with your intentions is kind of linked to being respectful to your various sex partners, but if you feel you can do that while at the same time maintaining your alter-ego style identity, I say do what works. Beyond the consent part, just make sure you’re safe about all of it. Use safer sex supplies like condoms and dental dams, and make sure you tell people if you have any communicable STIs and make sure you feel comfortable enough to ask them as well. But that’s just my opinion.

Good luck!


Hey Bex,

Is it true that if you have a cold, having sex will help you get better faster? Me and my roommates have been talking about this all week. Thanks!

Sniffly Susie


Hi Sniffly,

Much like other wacky attempted-cures for the common cold, sex is not exactly a cure, but a preventative measure. According to a study done by psychologist Carl Charnetski at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania, people who have sex once or twice a week have increased levels of immunoglobulin A, an antigen found in saliva and mucosal linings. Immunoglobulin A (IgA) binds to pathogens (disease causing agents like bacteria or fungus) at all points of entry into the body, and then calls on the immune system to destroy them. It’s therefore the body’s first line of defence against colds and flu. The study was done on 111 undergrads ages 16-23. They were asked how frequently they’d had sex over the previous month and samples of the participants saliva were taken to measure their levels of IgA. The results showed that participants who had sex less than once a week had an increase in IgA over those who had no sex at all. Those who had sex once or twice a week had a 30% rise in IgA levels. Seems like more sex would be the cold-busting plan, but people who had sex more than twice a week had lower IgA levels than the abstainers (www.scienceagogo.com). Isn’t that weird? When asked about the study in a BBC interview Dr. Charnetski said: "My feeling is that the people in the very-frequent-sex group may be in obsessive or poor relationships that are causing them a lot of anxiety. We know that stress and anxiety make IgA go down" (news.bbc.co.uk). I personally think that’s a bit of a strange assumption, since sex is supposed to be a stress reliever, but the BBC never asks my opinion. Though they did mention a sassy Dr. Douglass Fleming who heads the Royal College of General Practitioners’ influenza research unit in Birmingham and expresses doubts about the study. He brought up the point that the study didn’t seem to consider that healthy people are more likely to have sex regularly anyway. Professor Ron Eccles who is the director of the Common Cold Centre in Cardiff also suggested that IgA levels may not be related to the body’s ability to fight off colds. He said: "There are no general measures that can quantify resistence to infection. It is not impossible that sex has an effect on the body's ability to fight off cold, but it would be very difficult to substantiate that claim from this data" (news.bbc.co.uk). So there you go. I suppose you could use the immune boosting excuse this to justify having sex twice a week, but if you want more you may have to be prepared to have the sniffles.

-Bex