The Five Year Panic (like the seventh inning stretch, but there's no one to lead you)

I had a realization today... the whole idea of a midlife crisis is bullshit. The panic comes every five years. Think about it.

Five Years Old

You're just finishing senior kindergarten and you realize... next year you'll be in Grade 1. The big times. You're at school all day and there are just no more naps. It's a little scary. All of a sudden you're a big kid.

Ten Years Old

You hit the double digits. Being a teenager is frighteningly close. It doesn't apply to everyone I'm sure, but I hit the B cup by the time I was ten. (But I refused to wear a bra until my mom tricked me into buying one when I was eleven). You hit that odd phase of tween and the sex ed begins. Awkward.

Fifteen Years Old

You're in Grade ten. You're half way through high school and panicking because these don't seem to be the best years of your life. You've got your adult body (if you're me anyway) and your friends start having sex. Drugs come into play and you start to realize what peer pressure is. Fifteen is fuckin' scary.

Twenty Years Old

I'm on my way to twenty. I haven't hit it yet. But the panic over finishing second year University and still not knowing what I'm doing in life is starting to set in. It's a scary time.

From what I understand, by Twenty five I'll have finished school and I will be panicking about my career path, by thirty I'll be panicking about marriage and kids, by thirty five I'll be panicking that I'm almost forty and still don't know what I'm doing, and then by forty I'll hit the coveted midlife crisis. Yes?

So the moral is, that it really doesn't matter what I declare as my major, because five years from now, it'll just be time to panic again. If I can limit that panic to maybe just the three months surrounding my birth month that might make it easier to deal with.