Look at your watch, breathe, and count to ten

ANXIETY! I dropped one of my five courses today. I may drop another one in a matter of minutes. I don't know what to do. I think taking three courses will be good for me. I'm scared though. There's a sense of failure for me in not taking a full course load. And I really don't want to drop my semiotics of the body course, but I pretty much have to. Today I had to navigate an anxiety attack just to get myself upstairs and into the classroom. I had a really good talk with the prof after class though and he made me feel a little more okay about waiting to take this course until later. He told me I need to develop some coping mechanisms and I need to do it now. Nice how someone I've talked to for a total of ten minutes can figure that out. He told me it sounded like I just needed permission to drop the course, and then he gave me permission. Then I went outside and cried. Being a mess is ridiculous.

I ended up staying up late last night talking to an old friend and crying. Crying is a theme right now. Crying and feeling exhausted. I need to get myself under control, I need to stop letting the illogical bullshit eat my brain, and I need to start feeling confident making decisions for myself. I am not confident, and I don't trust in myself no matter how much proof I have that I'm capable... See that's an example of bullshit that I shouldn't let get to me. I'm just a little lost now in the best time of my life.