Happy Jew Years!

I'm all floopy. I got most of my tasks done today, but I think I have to make allowances for my body to rest. I really thought I'd learned that already, but apparently I need reminders. I napped for two hours this afternoon and had a bizarre range of dreams that varied from Steve and I moving into my Zaida's old house with one of my rivals from highschool, to Steve turning into a small child who kept hitting me, to eating Ferrero Rochers where each chocolate in the three-pack was missing an element. What does it all mean?

I'm drowning a little bit in all of my stuff right now and I really need to organize. I had a mild anxiety attack last night, but this week is going well. I've talked in all of my classes so far this week, which is a vaste improvement, and tomorrow I'm going to talk in my third. I have two articles to read when I get home from family dinner, and I imagine my long nap will help with that.

I like sitting around in my pyjamas watching Mad About You. Do they give Masters degrees for that?

Soup.

I've been sick for over a week now and I'm feeling exhausted and disconnected. My walls are still white, but there is no lack of stuff in the apartment, which is strange. I'm home alone tonight which has meant reading, taking a long hot shower, and then sitting around on the computer for awhile. I'm planning to make some soup and then read more... which pretty much applies to my daily activities lately.

Life is shockingly up and down right now. It's hilarious how in the summer I told everyone that I thought it would be good for me to get into a routine... and to some extent it has been, but part of that routine has become at least two days a week where I feel immobilized and depressed and anxious to the old point of uncontrollable crying. I'm not sure how to work that out, but it's not a good thing exactly.

sicky sick sick

I'm sick and it's not so good. I'm hoping to recover by Monday and get a lot of reading done while I'm recovering. Luckily being sick is helping with my soup addiction I have developed. There's no guilt in eating multiple cans of soup when my throat is sore. This week was difficult. But I saw a newborn baby yesterday, so it's not all bad.

I hate my stupid immune system suppressants. I asked my doctor yesterday if it's counter productive to take immune boosting vitamins while I'm on these suppressants. He looked at me like I was insane. I think it's an entirely logical question.

Involuntary Deviance

I've been tossed back into academia, and let me tell you, it is more unpleasant than a morning dip at 7am on a nose-freezing July morning dragging a group of unwilling twelve year old girls behind you in their damp bathing suits. I'm trying, lord how I am trying, but I have the overwhelming sense that what I know isn't good enough, and what I'm interested in knowing is of very little importance. But it's only week two, so I'm grasping desperately at my soul and passion... you can't let go of those until at least week five. And it's not even grey yet.

In bodily news, I'm anxious and crying, my hand was numb today, and my colon continues to try to self destruct while I hold back my imune system with scary drugs. After my classes this week I get to go on a Thursday trip to the hospital. Yay.

On the upside, I'm full of Duchovlove and will be quite sad when I burn through the last two episodes of Californication. I'm thinking my next series to tackle is Freaks and Geeks, but I'm very tempted by Pushing Daisies... does anyone want to buy the first season when it comes out this week and then lend it to me?

The apartment is coming together. There will be a housewarming soon, and it may involve home made pumpkin pie. I'm not sure yet.