His mom thinks I'm cool!

Last night Steve and I went to our friend Adam's welcome home dinner. It was so incredibly satisfying to have a family dinner with someone else's family! It was incredible. We sat accross from his grandparents who spent then night whispering to each other about their grand kids and just revelling in the cute ways that they ate their food. The two of them just looked so pleased to be there and so proud of every move their grand kids were making. And they were incredibly loving and attentive to one another. It was very sweet.

Adam's family is great. I love their house, and I just love their whole style of being. I haven't known them even close to as long as Steve has, but everytime I'm over there they are warm and welcoming with hugs and kisses and food. I want to grow up to be like Adam's mom. When I came in we were chatting and I told her I was on the board for the WRC and she said "You're not one of those Fem-mee-nists are you?" and proceeded to tell me about being on the board for Women's College Hospital and her experiences with women who don't allow people to walk all over them. Then we bonded over beading. She showed me all her beads and the stuff she's been making. Her house is filled with family photos, and photos of sunsets and landscapes from trips. Their house looks lived in but has the overall sense of their family being imprinted on those walls.

We ate dinner and Adam, Sean, Steve and I spent the rest of the night up in Adam's room looking at pictures and watching family guy. It was a good way ease into being home. Funny that it took someone else's family to do it, but it just felt so right to be in that environment. And it made me so happy to see Steve, Sean and Adam together again. It's something about the loveing male friendship that fascinates me. I feel very privileged to be allowed to hang out with these guys.

By the light of the silvery Goo

No regrets. Shortly after my last post, the box showed box. It was 2:30am and Jess proclaimed that we needed to "put out the torch" so we quietly put on "Afternoon Delight" (can't get enough of that Starland Vocal Band), turned off most of the lights, stripped down and had ourselves a naked run. The best part was that we just kept dancing and laughing. We ran up to my room, and even though we couldn't hear the music anymore we were all just jumping and dancing and laughing like a bunch of naked girls. I suppose that simile wasn't quite effective there because that's exactly what it was...

Anyway, it was an excellent way to end our year. I feel entirely good about my second year. There was a lot of rough shit going on, but man, this year was good. I very nearly accomplished everything I set out to do. I'm hoping this summer continues the trend. It's kind of scary having the whole world shift on me again. But I'm trying my best not to fall into the trap of hiding in my basement avoiding the public. I've already sent out e-mails to most of my Toronto friends and am doing my best to keep up some social ties. I'm most definitely looking forward to this weekend.

Becca Sux Caucus

Tonight I spent five hours doing Collective Agreement negotiations for the Women's Resource Centre. It was long. My favourite part was the caucus. But everything went well and I think that everyone feels good about what we're walking away with.

We got home around ten thirty and celebrated our last night all together at the Box eating Tito's and watching Amay-Ray. It was low key, because that's just how we're feeling. I think my only regret for this year was that we never had our naked run. All year we've been meaning to turn off all the lights, blast an ani song ridiculously loudly, strip down and run from the top of the house to the bottom. But it hasn't happened yet, and tonight's not feeling like the night. Maybe when we move in again in the fall. Yes, then the breasts will fly.

Common drink it up if you've got a kiddush cup!

As all of you are enjoying your matzah and kosher jam I thought I'd post some holiday links that my 4 year old and eleven year old cousins are obsessed with. Next year in Jerusalem mothafuckahs.

MMmmmatzah

And a robot

don't ask me the words to all the silences i wrote

It's grey in the Goo again today. Fitting, but not as necessary as it was yesterday. I had grand plans this morning of waking up at nine and going to the gym, and reading the WRC collective agreement, and beginning the packing process. Instead I woke up every hour from nine to one, and finally at one forced myself up to read. Struggles.

Then I did some dishes, ate some breakfast and read some agreement. Some being the operative, and problematic, word. I'm going into school this afternoon for negotiations, and then coming back tonight for cleaning, eating and racing. Followed by what will work out as much late night packing. It's a very strange feeling hovering today.

I'm doing my best to not let myself fall into the post school depression that got me last summer. I just have to avoid wasting my time. I'll figure it out. I start work next Monday, so that will get me going.

Oh, and for all of you keeping tally on my legs and such, the left side of my body from my toes to just under my rib cage went numb last Friday and hasn't returned yet.

I need some serious clown care

This afternoon we had cake and tea, watched Sideways, I made falafel for dinner, and now we're watching Dirty Dancing Havana Nights... again. The obsession with this movie in the Box is strong and blue-ballingly bizarre.

I think the rest of the night will be spent with movies and candy and sleeping. It's good that I have i bit of time to decompress after my weekend at home. Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of excellent moments this weekend. More good then bad for sure, just the bad ones were much louder than the good.

I lost my ebay bid on the last glo worm that I need for my collection again! Those bastards who wait until the last minute! Ah well, I guess I keep looking.

There's something about five girls my age in a car singing songs from Jagged Little Pill that just seems so right.

Dedicated to TJ... to the tune of Afternoon Delight

Gonna find Dawson Leery
Gonna hold him tight
Gonna masturbate to Afternoon Delight
Rubbing cock and balls together
Make the sparks ignite
Why wait until the middle of the cold dark night
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And you know the boner's always gonna be there anyway...

wishing i were hiding in phantom's bed all along

I got lost in my basement last night. Gasping for breath, heart racing, head pounding kind of lost. The kind where you don't want to sleep because you're afraid you won't come back, and you don't want to stay awake because you're afraid you won't make it until morning. But I called, and I cried, and I slept and I woke up to heart shattering screaming. The grey clouds propelled me to the grey bus which lulled me into a heavy sleep back to Guelph. And now I'm back, with my purple hair, my purple door, and I'm scared of the bruises left behind by this weekend.

Swiper Stop Swiping!

I feel like this weekend has emotionally kicked my ass. All I want to do is hide in Phantom's bed, and I think once I move home it's going to be harder then it looks. I got home Friday night, had a sushi party with my Steve, and then on Friday got dropped off at home for the insanity of Passover. I am perfecting my matzoh balls though. I've got the perfect size and length of cooking time down now!

I had a good conversation with my mom about women's issues and such as we got the house ready. But I'm realizing more and more that this summer is going to be a struggle with my dad. For example, tonight he said that humans need gender roles to be set out because things would just be too confused without them. It's going to be rough.

So Passover was good. And loud. We did most of a seder, had an excellent dinner, and carried out broken conversations over a shouting four year old. I love my cousin, but wouldn't it be easier to enforce an indoor voice rule instead of all of us just talking over him? He and I spent most of the night together after dinner playing Dora the Explorer computer games and doing the handwashing dance while Steve beat the rest of the kids at backgammon. Excellent.

Then today was the grand opening of my dad's show Tales From an Empty Fridge. It all went well, but the fighting and the tension! My God the tension! It's been a while since I've been put in the middle of parental fighting and I didn't like it. My parents are not very rule-enforcy with me, they never have been, so this summer is not much of a worry in that regard, but I can't handle the fighting. As the bro gets older it just gets worse because the three of them are insane.

So I got through today with a general urge to cry for most of it. And now tomorrow I have to head back to the Goo to read the collective agreement and start negotiating on Tuesday. I forgot my book in Gooloph so I don't know what I'm going to do for the ride back. Maybe I should print off that foolish agreement. Bah.

Puff, Puff, Exam?

NOT GOOD! I have two exams and I'm done. I'm so done right now it's not funny. My exam tomorrow is at 7pm, so I guess I'll get studying soon. I just drank a latte and ate some cookies and caramel corn. That's productive. I just want to blog around and chat and run around and watch movies. Again I say, not good. I had a good chat with my favourite prof today so that made me feel good. I just have to trudge on until 1:30pm on Friday and then it will be all picnics and roadtrips.

The outline for this exam I have tomorrow is so ridiculously vague. I know that one of the essay questions is going to be about one specific lecture. That seems insane to me. I have no idea how I'm going to remember what is from one specific lecture! Especially if the question is like "What did I talk about on March 28... GO!"


Ahhh this time last year I was sitting on the floor of a bachelor appartment lived in by two people younger than me and trying not to cough.

Happy 4:20 everyone!

Xamies

I'm currently using the blog for it's true purpose. Procrastination. I spent a lot of time at the gym today, followed by some late lunching, and now blogging. That's about it. I'm all floppy and tired and I have to learn many trivial facts about bees in order to survive my exam tomorrow. It's worth 50% so I have to at least finish reading the course manual. No studying in bed. That's the new rule. Because I will end up napping. Bah.

Is it wierd that my concern with the new pope is that he's just not as adorable as the last pope?

In Honour of Her Concert in T-dot Tonight

I love Ani. I'm sad that I'm not at her concert tonight. She had a hand in saving my life back in grade nine, and she continues to be influencial in my development as a strong 5 foot 2 wiggly giggly woman, a feminist, a lover, a poet, and a sexual shocker. This is my current repeat ani song. No particular reason for posting it, besides that I think some of the imagery is beautiful and intense, and that's kind of how I've been feeling lately.


marrow

the answer came
like a shot in the back
while you were running from your lesson
which might explain
why years later all you could remember
was the terror of the question
plus, you weren't listening
you were stockpiling canned goods
making a bomb shelter of our basement
and i can't believe you let the moral go by
while you were soaking in the product placement

where was your conscience?
where was your consciousness?
and where did you put all those letters
that you wrote to yourself
but could not address?

i'm a good kisser
and you're a fast learner
and that kinda thing could float us
for a pretty long time
then one day you'd realize
you've memorized my phone number
and you'll call it and find
it's a disconnected line
cuz i got tossed out the window of love's el camino
and i shattered into a shower of sparks on the curb
you were smoking me
weren't you?
between your yellow fingers
you just inhaled and exhaled without saying a word

where was your conscience?
where was your consciousness?
and where did you put all those letters
that you wrote to yourself
but could not address?

there's a smorgasbord of unspoken poisons
a whole childhood of potions
that are all bottled up
and so one by one i am dusting off labels
i am uncorking bottles and filling up cups
so go ahead and have a taste of your own medicine
and i'll have a taste of mine
but first let's toast to the lists
that we hold in our fists
of the things that we promise to do
differently next time

cuz the answer came like a shot in the back
while you were running from your lesson
which might explain
why years later all you could remember
was the terror of the question
plus i'm not listening to you anymore
my head is too sore and my heart's perforated
and i'm mired in the marrow of my (well... ain't that) funny bone
learning how to be alone and devastated
where was my conscience?
where was my consciousness?
and what do i do with all these letters
that i wrote to myself
but cannot address?

I'm sorry Ms. Wood, if you want to work out you're going to have to wear pants.

Well, I definitely filled my stupid quotient for the day. I showed up for a meeting an hour early, I forgot my pants... sweat pants to wear at the gym, I fell asleep when I meant to go back to the gym, and then I knocked one of Tama's bowls off of the counter and it broke. I feel bad because I hate breaking other people's things! Especially since I don't know the back story behind the big black bowl. Hopefully all will be well and forgiven. I suppose it's the "don't cry over splled milk" logic, but sometimes I cry!

I'm inching towards my three days of exams. I have to get on that studying business. I'm just as happy laying out in the sun. Ah well. I'm getting geared up for the gradual move home and the changes that it's going to invoke.

I had a dream last night that I got an e-mail from Matt telling me that my blog was no longer one of the top five sites he visits and now I'm concerned that the blog gods are telling me that it's just not jivin' anymore!

Nobody's Gay for Moleman

Hans Moleman makes me clutch at my heart. I just want to hug him and kiss his peanut-like head. Good Moleman indeed. So tonight's episode started well for me, and there's nothing like a bit of Peohler to keep a girl happy!

Today was quiet and fairly good. I won five dollars on a Bingo ticket, I'm so addicted to those things! And I lost an ebay bid-fest again! It was for the last glo worm that I need to complete my original collection. I've lost my mind. It would have been so sweet though! Ah well, now I'm back to searching for my doodlebug. I hope all this stuff actually arrives!

He is as the French say... Ma Boifriend

Well. It's April 17th. Time is slipping away. I'm heading towards my last three exams of second year, and In less than two weeks I'll officially be a Torontorusk once more. No more posing as a Guel-jiver. I haven't posted in a bit because I ended up doing a fairly quick and dirty trip to Toronto on Friday. So yes.

Thursday we had the Jews over to watch Hebrew Hammer which was enjoyed by all. Not so much because it is a brilliant film, but that what they were trying to do is totally up my comedic alley and I like that. And frankly I love the Jews.

In a late night conversations Steve ended up convincing me to wake up Friday morning and get on a bus to Toronto. It was good to have an hour where I had nothing to do but read the Amber Spyglass. It's like me almost-done-the-semester treat. I'm about a hundred pages in and it's getting exciting. I spent Friday night out with Steve and his friends which was fun. I heard the word kyke used in a derrogatory sense for the first time ever and got sufficiently upset. I wish I had hit harder though.

It was one of those moments where it all became clear that I'm leaving my bubble of Guelph where all my friends are anti-oppression type feminists and heading into a world where it's my job to stand up alone for what I believe in. I suppose this is part of what they mean by university preparing you for the real world. It scares me though. I guess I just have to learn how to bring my own politics to my at-home friendships that have been relatively dormant over the school year.

Things are going relatively well right now. It's always that pending change that feels daunting and scary until it happens, and you deal with it. I solidified my job for May and June, and now I'm working on the rest of the summer. By Friday I will be done second year. Yowzas.

Just Bust some Soup!

So far today I've done exactly what I've been craving all week! I woke up at eleven, and then went downstairs and watched the Creek. Excellent. Then we watched the Feud and various other foolish tv shows and now we're sitting around listening to music. Excellent.

The plan is to go to the gym, and then come home with enough time to make some matzo ball soup for our screening of Hebrew Hammer tonight. I think just about all the Jews in Guelph are coming over tonight.

Alright, off I go to the gym. Oh! I'm totally obsessed with the new Old Navy commercial "Bust a Tunic!" I can't believe they thought that was brilliant, but now it's stuck in my head like nobody's business. Now I've just been "Bustin'" everything, cuz apparently we can do that now!

So I've been out-Bexed, have I?

Thank God there was some mention somewhere! I was starting to get worried that I was the only one reading my blog! My complaining about the lack of comments led Tama to post like 10, and yet it didn't calm my nerves. Too sexually liberated? Should I tone it back? Sometimes it's hard to tell. Hope I didn't freak all the blog circlers out. Though it will make for some awkwardly excellent small talk next time I see you!

Penetrate This Mother Fucker!

Alternate Title: Hello there, my name's Boxshot.

Oh man. It's 12:10 and I still have to finish my essay and study for my exam tomorrow. It's not going well. I've basically been working on this with breaks since 12:30pm today. Today was exciting. We had a picnic, we studied and worked outside, I got a sunburn, I had my first last minute betting frenzy on ebay (which I lost), and now I'm still not done, and won't be done by my goal time of 1am. Ah well.

I'm in a giddy crazy mood being fed on by Tama's encouragement. We were downstairs and she asked for something exciting to eat so I offered her my vagina. She then took me up on that offer and threw me down in a fit of passion. And now we're having tea. Oh lord the procrastinatron has moved in. So far I've resisted my new vibrator mini kit dealy, though I'm excited. It's a mini one with different attachments. There's a hammer, a claw, a shower-head type alien mouth, a cactus, and a christmas tree. It's an odd yet exciting assortment. Soon there will be much procrasturbation.

"I need a really pretty box... for my box... gear" -Tama

Vibraty Hat-atron

Spot the Stripper Jesus!

The Box has been playing a game lately called spot the stripper Jesus. We've seen him in the Toronto Star, FAB magazine, and on some telephone poll posters in Kensington. We're hoping that one day we'll see him in the flesh, though that Jesus tends to be an elusive son'bitch. I can only imagine that stripper Jesus is all the more slippery due to the all the lube.

GO ECLIPSES!

Despite the fact that it's 1:20am and I'm no closer to finishing my paper for Monday, or being prepared for my exam, this weekend is working out nicely.

Yesterday night I had a hellish two hour bus ride home (when it usually takes 45 minutes to an hour) beside a man learning Cantonese and thus muttering under his breath in various intonations the whole way home. I ended up sleeping a little and reading most of the play I need to finish by Monday, so I suppose that was good. When I finally got into the T-dot I was hit with a bit of culture shock actually. It's funny, coming from free hippie sunshine springtime world of the Guelph campus and being thrown into mean pushy TTC actually shocked me.

Friday afternoon I ended up performing an Ani song at an outdoor open mic with my friend Julie because she is wonderful and makes me do things even when my shy side acts dominant. So I went from happy sunshine singing in front of people, to so tired I wanted to die and staring off into space on the subway. Ah well.

Friday night I went to Statutory Jape's show and it was excellent. I've been a fan of these guys since their very first Second City end-of-class performance way back in the day when the were called Rubber Chicken Porno Factory. I guess I've been a fan of Simon all my life, so it's hard for him to not make me laugh. I now have ambitions of managing the troup (and taking a cut). The show was hilarious and it was followed by an equally satisfying drink at a pub. I found myself sitting in my group of guy friends spanning from kindergarten, to highschool, to now and thinking about how wierd it is that all of my University friends are female, yet I was always the only girl in the group growing up. I don't know, it just struck me as odd.

Anyway, after the pub Steve and I went back to his house and stayed up until four in a happy sleepy dreamy state. I'm so glad I ended up sneaking into his bed. Though it was a struggle to get up and leave this morning. I had to meet Jess and Tama on Queen for a day of shopping. We did Kensington, Come As You Are, and a little bit of the Eaton's Centre. We even had Taco Bell for dinner. Yikes. My feet are now killing me after spending most of the day with my packed MEC backpack weighing me down. (Tama took it for a little while though).

When we got home we watched "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" which is the worst movie ever, followed by SNL which was the best episode I've seen all season. Cameron Diaz was hosting, which means nothing, it was the Timberlake, Fallon and Barrymore cameos that made it all worthwhile! There's something about screaming in excitement at SNL with Jess that is so much less sad then screaming alone in my basement.

Leave the rat behind?

We got stood up for our dinner tonight, which all around sucked. It was just a big bundle of disappointing and frustrating and really out of our control. So instead we put the rat on a leash and took him for a walk down by the river. It was ridiculous. We needed that kind of giggly break though. Plus it was so beautiful out it would have been cruel to leave the rat behind.

So now it's 12:23, Tama has lovingly made us Brownies, and I'm trying to skillfully plan one night and one day in Toronto to accomplish everything that needs to be done. I'm a little concerned. I'm trying to go home for dinner, see steve, go to the improv show, maybe see more of steve, then meet up with Tama and Jess downtown and then come back to Guelph for a night of Philosophy essay writing and English exam studying. I am ill prepared. I had grand plans of writing the paper tonight, but as I'm moving into the later hours I'm starting to feel discouraged. A little prep work can be done though. My main goal is to get enough sleep tonight so that I won't fall asleep on the bus tomorrow and I can get my reading done then. Yes?

Your Unbelievable, OH!

Out of nowhere this morning my internet started working again. I have no idea why. So I'm gonna use it until it disappears and I can'ts use it no more. I'm feeling a bit better today. I just don't know exactly what I'm doing. We're having people over for dinner and I'm the only one here this morning, so Tama's picking up groceries after her class and I guess I'm doing all the dishes so that our friends aren't too disgusted to cook in our kitchen. We need a mop so badly.

Tonight I have to get my shit together and write some philosophy term paper. Woot. If I don't then I'm in big trouble this weekend. I feel like I'm more stressed out then I should be about a weekend. I just want to plan and also not write and not study. Too much to ask? Anyway, I have lots of cleaning to do and I was going to try to get to the gym this morning, but now I'm not so sure. Oh well. I just can't believe this damn computer!

Statutory Jape Show

One of my very best childhood friends has an improv troup that is performing this Friday night. They are doing a show called "The Statutory Jape Show" at 10pm at The Bad Dog Theatre which is located at 138 Danforth Ave. (just east of Broadview). I believe it's five dollars at the door. It will most definitely be excellent. I've been a follower of this guys since their early days as Second City improv students and I'm really looking forward see them all grown up and running their own show! (3QF it's just down the street! You should all be there!)

quietly crying

So far this has been a rough rough day. I am so sick of being kicked around by health services. I feel a bit better after my cry in the "quiet room" at the WRC, but not perfect. I hit a mind space today that I haven't been to in a while. The place where I don't sleep, I feel worthless, I don't eat, and am incapable of functioning. And then I got a fifty on my Bee Keeping paper. Bee Keeping!

Now the plan is to go to the gym, to breath a little, and then to sit around and watch Box Model tonight. I don't know what to do when my own existance starts to be the cause and root of my stress.

Doris is the Soul of this Band

I'm finding there's a fine line between procrastination and taking care of myself. Last night I was up until 4:30am as a result of an essay and too much tea. I woke up this morning and finished my essay on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, had a shower, and now I'm sitting around watching Almost Famous and dicking around on the internet.

I figure tonight I'll have time to read after Amay Ray. Bah. I'm just happy to relax right now and deal with the reading later. All I want is hugs and naps.

The Anus: All Work and No Play

Oh I'm not feelin' so hot. Today was long and sleepy. I'm currently waiting for the inspiration to write my final essay of the semester. Then I have three books to read, seven articles, one assignment, and four exams and then I've completed my second year of University. Impressive. I'm starting to feel the pressure though, which isn't as good. My plan was to come home this weekend to see my friend's Improv show at the Bad Dog Theatre Friday night (10:30pm)and then stick around until Sunday morning, but that might not happen unless I can get my shit together this week. I'm just not in the mood. Every student I saw today told me how much they are done with school. I guess that's the season we're in. All I want is to nap and silk screen.

Tonight was one of those nights at the box where we all know there's stuff to be done, but we just have laughing fits instead of doing it. We snacked, we watched like four episodes of Friends, and then finally ended up in our bras jumping up and down on my bed and laughing uncontrollably. This is what I'll miss when I'm alone in my basement staying up until two watching Starting Over.

Maybe it's just the time of year, or maybe it's the time of man.

Well my one goal of this week has been a flop. All I meant to do was go to all of my classes, which ended this morning when Jess and I slept through our English class. It could have something to do with the fact that I was up until 4:30am last night, but Jess has no excuse. :o) She was my safety net!

Oh well. Off I go for the rest of my Monday. We'll see how it goes.

She's got a point... it's that first part I have trouble with.

"I always tell the girls: if you never take it seriously you never get hurt, if you never get hurt you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store, and visit your friends."

-Penny Lane

The place where anything can happen...

I LOVE Pee-Wee's Playhouse. I have always loved Pee-Wee. As a kid my Zaida used to tape episodes for me. It's funny when someone dies the wierd things you want that you feel like you can only have had from that person. I wanted Pee-Wee, mini- marshmallow ice cream cones, and to play with my glo worms. Well I got my ice cream cones, and a few months ago I bought my Pee-Wee dvds, and this week I've signed up for an ebay account to find some glo worms, so I'm getting there.

Just this week my house has been into watching Pee-Wee with me. I'm going to watch it with my kids. It's brilliant. It's interactive, it's fun, it's insane. It blurs gender lines and the distinction between adult and child. I think it provides the most realistic portrayal of what adults who work with children are actually like. Everyone I've encountered who works with kids has some sort of quirk to them. They speak in double-entendres and they have these psychedelic tendencies. That is the definition of Pee-Wee.

Stanley. Stanley Cup... get it?

Well Matt's blog just made me want to kill myself. I can handle the long distance, until I remember that other couples get to spend time with eachother without an $11.24 bus ride. Don't get me wrong, my day was good, just not snuggly nest good.

I cleaned and organized today, then I busted out the acrylics and painted my bedroom door. I just wanted to smush my hands in colour, and that worked out. It ended up looking like a giant vagina, as my painting tends to. But it made me happy. Then I went on to silkscreen a t-shirt that says "this is what a feminist looks like". Yup I'm a big 'ol feminist now.

For some reason for me the mark of being a true feminist was always the use of the alternative menstrual products. Of course that's entirely unreasonable, but I guess now by my standards I'm a real live feminist. I'm totally pro Diva Cup. My cup's name is Stanley.

Rub on this!

It's cold and gloomy again and I'm not much in the mood for extensive posting right now (though I feel like I have a lot to say very soon)I thought I'd post a picture of myself as a clit to cheer the worl up. Yay clit.