Ridin' Dirty. All the way to crazy-ville.

I did not successfully pull off the guilt-free week. I skipped my class this morning for no good reason besides the Macelod Suggestion. The Macelod Suggestion is particularly strong this week. For example, an hour ago while watching ER I was on the brink of tears at an intense moment and the Macelod suggested I cry, and thus I did. Then I looked over to my yogi tea for comfort and the little dangly paper that usually expresses calming words of hope and peace says to me "Keep up." KEEP UP? It made me cry a little more.

I had a long and interesting day. It was all very emotional and very long. Someone suggested to me this week that I should set aside twenty minutes every day where I'm allowed to worry, and the rest of the day I'm not allowed to worry. I don't know if this would actually be helpful for me, in fact I'm worrying about worrying right now. Good old obsessive spirals. It's nice.

Celebrating Broken Hymens 'Till There Ain't No More Shame

Here it is folks. Let us now set the trend for every loss of virginity from here on in.



Hymen-less Box and damn proud of it.

Drinks on me!

Just to balance that one: I currently love JT's Sexy Back. I thought it was stupid at first, but I'm pretty much in love with it today. That is one catchy tune. I especially like the part when the song ends and the next thing in my "recently added" is Matty Price saying "hello" and Matt Brown yelling Mamo! That'll bring my sexy back.

*mid writing this post Jess goes to her computer and says "I'm sorry guys, but I have to play this song" and puts on Sexy Back. Oh yeah, I stopped for a little dance break. We mused about how excellent it was to bust it to "Sexy Back" wearing track pants. We're bringing Sexy Box.

Bex Fact:

Here's a fun fact about me you might not know; I HATE new car smell. It turns my stomach. Every time I get into a new car I feel like I'm going to pass out from the fumes. I get dizzy and loopy. The air gets caught in my throat and after about five minutes of driving I crack a window and worry about what might happen if I throw up in this person's new car. It's seriously bad enough that I may never buy a new car. I'll never understand people who get into new cars and take gigantic smiling deep breaths. Hmmm... I don't think I've ever met anyone else who doesn't like new car smell. Anyone out there?

unsatisfactorily painful

Oh lord I love Colbert. I ate so much chocolate tonight. I have had a damn headache all day and my solution was chocolate. It was a delicious solution... delicious but ineffective. I still have an incredibly unpleasant headache and I want to sleep. I think I'm going to do some writing before I sleep though because I feel all mentally backed up. For the past few nights I've been struggling to sleep for at least forty-five minutes before I actually calm down, which is a problem when you turn off your light at 2am. Bah.

Losers

After a whole dvd debacle tonight, I ended up watching the first episode of Lost on Jess' computer. I am skeptical, but willing to become addicted to another tv show... as long as it's not Prison Break. I'm a little unenthused. The best part was when I said "I thought you couldn't fly in your third trimester" and Jess raised her arms mystically and said "the mysteries of Lost are unexplained!". I've decided that the "thing" is Dino-Natives. Sorry to ruin it for all of you. But it's Dino-Natives. Anyway, Matt has informed us that we have two weeks to watch two entire seasons of Lost so that we're caught up for the season three premiere in October. I think we're up to the challenge. If nothing else, we are incredibly good at procrastinating.

Today was long, but reasonable. It's funny, I accomplished so much more today than I did yesterday... but yesterday I felt incredibly at peace, and today I feel like I did get enough done. I think I'll feel better when I get a binder or a notebook together for this craft show I'm organizing so I can look at where I am and how far I really have to go. Seriously, if any of you make anything that you could possibly sell, PLEASE drop me $15 bucks and make a trip into Guelph. You'd be surprised how much money you can make. Really and truly. Oh man this is going to dominate my life.

Bon Voyage Hymen!

We're having a goodbye virginity party this coming Wednesday... a little late for some of us, but better late than never. The plan was born out of the fact that when you lose your virginity there's an overwhelming sense of "what the fuck do I do now?" and the world should really throw you a party for completing such a bizarre task.

So tomorrow at school I get to call Dairy Queen and order a chillabrations cake with the caption "Bon Voyage Hymen". I intend to accuse them of being anti-semetic if they refuse to put it on the cake and claim that my friend Hymen is about to leave for Israel and they are trying to deny him a cake. Hilarious. Jess has said that she can't possibly be in the room with me when I order. It's going to be excellent.

The First Sex with Bex!

My first Sex with Bex came out today! Let me know if you want hard copies, but here it is:

Sex With Bex

Welcome to Sex with Bex, a sex positve, sex advice, (and somewhat sexy) new feature of The Peak! I am Bex, a sex positive (and somewhat sexy) fourth year Women’s studies student with a goal to bring clear and comfortable answers to questions on all subjects related to any kind of sex. How did I get here you ask? At the age of eleven when I started to develop my woman body, my mother used to trap me in the car in order to tell me anything about puberty or sex. I found it horribly uncomfortable and awkward. After two years of turning bright red in sex ed. classes and leaving the room when the content of tv shows I was watching with my family got too sexual, I decided I couldn’t avoid sex forever. Especially since I was so damned interested in it. I consciously decided to get over my awkwardness and I hope that in writing this column other people will make an effort to deconstruct the uncomfortable feelings and silences that can surround that troublesome topic of sex.

Question:

Hey Bex,

I was recently watching the audio commentary on a Family Guy episode and the guys kept talking about how they had to re-record the commentary for that episode because one of them explained what “blumpkin” is. Based on what they were saying I think it’s a sexual term of some kind. Do you know?
-Linguistically Confused

Answer:

Dear Linguistically Confused,

I appreciate folk who are brave enough to ask questions about slang terms for sex acts. I thought I knew them all when in grade 10 I finally got up the courage to ask someone what a 69 was. Blumpkin was a new one for me too. According to urbandictionary.com, a blumpkin refers to receiving fellatio (blow job) while defecating (pooping), thus combining two pleasurable bodily releases. The key to the blumpkin seems to be timing both bodily functions, which could be challenging. There is also the cunnilumpkin, which refers to a woman being eaten out while defecating.

If anyone out there is planning on attempting a blumpkin or cunnilumpkin, be safe and be sure not to ingest any fecal matter since micro-organisms that cause intestinal diseases and STIs can be passed all too easily that way. Also, be very careful not to let fecal matter come in contact with the vulva because that can result in very unpleasant urinary tract infections, etc. (Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity, 2004) And please, oh please be aware of splash-back!



Question:

Dear Bex,
Last week my girlfriend was giving me head and she scared the hell out of me by pulling my foreskin down past the head. I was never circumcised and have never known the skin to go down that far. Did my foreskin tear? I did experience a brief moment of unpleasantness then, but it seems ok now.

From, Jack the Ripped

Answer:

Dear Jack the Ripped,

Don’t worry! Your girlfriend did not break your foreskin, just stretched out its attachment to your penis a little. The foreskin is attached to the glans of the penis (right under the urethral opening) by a small ligament called the frenulum. The frenulum has the exact same make up as that little attach-y bit under your tongue. Its job is to hold the foreskin in place and return it back to its regular upright position after it has been retracted. (foreskin.org/frenulum)

There is, however, a condition called “frenulum breve” where the frenulum basically tethers the foreskin to the glans of the penis. Because the frenulum is shorter it can rip when the foreskin is pulled back during masturbation or with oral/penetrative sex. When it rips, it should heal quickly and the foreskin should be able to move along the shaft of the penis freely. Sometimes the frenulum rejoins and heals shorter than before and can cause pain, ripping, or bleeding with every sexual encounter. If sex or masturbation continues to be painful or cause you any frenulum stress you should see a doctor to get it checked out. (http://www.male-initiation.net)

If you have any questions for the next edition of Sex with Bex send them freely and frequently to bexualintercourse@gmail.com. Remember to lube up and play safe!

bum bum badda dum bum badda dum bum badda dum

Has anyone else noticed that the soundtracks for Amazing Race, Survivor, and Pirates of the Carribean are all the same?

Sunday: Welcome to the Machine

Today was the usual recovery from a party night before. There was a lot of sorting through aftermath and drinking of orange juice. I'm feeling a little spun-out from the whole thing and not generally prepared for the upcoming week, but here I am back in the Goo and I suppose this is where I should be.

Steve and I woke up at 12:45 today, which was too bad because I was supposed to meet my mom downtown at 12:45 to go have brunch. I shouldn't have made the plans, and I felt ridiculously terrible. But Steve and I got up, went out and bought eggs and orange juice and came back and had some breakfast while watching "Can't Hardly Wait" on City. So comforting. (Side note: I saw "Can't Hardly Wait" three times on openning weekend, in three different cities; Kitchener, St. Catharines, and Toronto).

I got home at ten to five and had a cup of tea with the family, packed up all of my stuff, and by 7:30 I was at Mark's house meeting up with Jess and Tama to drive back. We had a lovely stop over in Milton for some Wendy's and the witnessing of a little domestic dispute in the parking lot. When we got back we watched the tape of the premiere of America's Next Top Model and now I'm upstairs blogging. Time for bed.

Sunday: Welcome to the Machine

Today was the usual recovery from a party night before. There was a lot of sorting through aftermath and drinking of orange juice. I'm feeling a little spun-out from the whole thing and not generally prepared for the upcoming week, but here I am back in the Goo and I suppose this is where I should be.

Steve and I woke up at 12:45 today, which was too bad because I was supposed to meet my mom downtown at 12:45 to go have brunch. I shouldn't have made the plans, and I felt ridiculously terrible. But Steve and I got up, went out and bought eggs and orange juice and came back and had some breakfast while watching "Can't Hardly Wait" on City. So comforting. (Side note: I saw "Can't Hardly Wait" three times on openning weekend, in three different cities; Kitchener, St. Catharines, and Toronto).

I got home at ten to five and had a cup of tea with the family, packed up all of my stuff, and by 7:30 I was at Mark's house meeting up with Jess and Tama to drive back. We had a lovely stop over in Milton for some Wendy's and the witnessing of a little domestic dispute in the parking lot. When we got back we watched the tape of the premiere of America's Next Top Model and now I'm upstairs blogging. Time for bed.

Saturday: Marooned

Saturday I managed to get home at least a little bit early in the afternoon in order to spend some time with my family before Jess, Steve and one of Ben's friends came over for Rosh Hashanah dinner. I was feeling dazed though from too many nights of intoxication (even if they were all fairly mild), and I always get stressed and pressured about where to spend my time when I'm home on the weekends. Especially since I want to see Ben and I end up getting all stuck at Steves. Stuck in a good way, because sometimes I just don't want to leave him, and sometimes that ttc seems way too daunting. Anyway, feeling torn is really terrible and I need to work some sort of system out or it's going to kill me again this year.

After an excellent family dinner, a very stressed out me, Steve and Jess all headed over to Steve's place to get pirated up. We all ended up looking pretty damn good if I do say so myself. We got to the party around 10:30 and were greeted halfway down the block by a stumbling Jack Sparrow. And then there was the rum. My god the rum. I ended up taking two very drunk loved ones home and caring for them as only a pirate wench can.

All in all the party was quite excellent. There was none of the former awkwardness or responsibility I used to feel in having my roommates and my partner with me at 3QF. Now they all function seperate from me, which is excellent. There was only a brief moment of feeling like I was too young to really be there, and a slight sugary gooey rummy sickness that set in around two in the morning and didn't really leave until late today, which was unfortunate. Otherwise I was quite happy to pirate it up in celebration of Matt Brown. Yar.

Friday: A Pillow of Winds

On Friday Steve and I slept in until 2:30pm and it was wonderful. When we got up we snuggle on the couch where he played some video games, and I read a play that I have to have finished for Tuesday. Productive. I meant to go home on Friday night to see my family, but I ended up going with Steve to have dinner with his mom and his cousin. It was a relatively pleasant evening, but I had a few moments of awkwardness, one of which involved my refusal to rent "Shaggy Dog" the Tim Allen movie and then being afraid to give any of my suggestions for rentals because I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Eventually we ended up back and Steve's place and on to the bar to for a drink or two. In my case, two. The evening ended with Steve and I whipping a passed out Shane with socks and then shooting him with a water gun. It was incredibly satisfying.

Thursday: We Don't Need No Education!

I think the power of 30 000 people chanting "We Don't Need No Education!" had some affect on me, because on Thursday Steve and I drove to Guelph, had some lunch, stood outside of my Zoology lecture, and decided to drive back to Toronto. I never ever do things like this. I am, as I say, a good girl. I go to my classes and my meetings and I feel guilty if I don't. It was painstakingly difficult to make the decision to leave, but I'm so glad I did. Part of my goals for the year is to allow myself to do more reckless and adventurous things. Especially when there are no real consequences, like on Thursday.

We got back to Toronto with enough time for Steve to get to a short meeting at UofT, where I ran into Simon and ended up going for coffee. It was an excellent Thursday, if you ignore the struggle with guilt.

Wednesday: Breathe

On Wednesday night I took my Steve for an incredible experience. We went to see Roger Waters at the ACC. It was really nice to be able to take Steve to see this concert because of what a big role Pink Floyd has in the past few years of his life... and also to take more credit for his fandom, considering I'm the one who played Darkside for him and introduced him to Pink Floyd in the first place. Oh yeah.

It was pretty incredible to see a huge production of a concert. There were lights, pyrotechnics, three video screens, and two blimps; one of an astronaut, and one of a pig. Peter Frampton apparently did not purchase the pig blimp at Pink Floyd's garage sale. The band was amazing. They played a variety of songs from The Wall and Animals and Roger Waters did some solo stuff. Then for the second set they played the entirety of Darkside. They played every song note for note, which was amazing, but gave the whole thing a sense of witnessing a historical document as oposed to a performance. There were a few moments where I had to remind myself that I wasn't watching a tribute band. Those moments increased as the concert went on because I swear 30 000 people were trying to hot box the ACC. Steve and I were at the very back of the stadium under the overhang and I swear the smoke from every joint in that place was hovering up near our heads. We didn't smoke any pot ourselves and by the end of that concert we were both shockingly high.

Anyway, it was an excellent show and it was nice to feel like I could hold my own in such a male dominated audience of Floyd fans. The line for the men's washroom at intermission was almost three times as long as the one for the women's! I was really satisfied with the whole experience, and that's all I can ask for. It was just really nice to be there holding Steve's hand and being a part of that together.

HAPPY JEW YEARS!

So much to blog, but so not into it right now. Tomorrow there will be a brief re-cap of the out-of-the-ordinary-ness that was my week. I'm severely looking forward to the pirate party tomorrow (this was also a pirate filled week with Pirate Wife Swap, two pirates on campus, and hearing of another pirate party happening on Saturday).

Anyway, Rosh Hashanah is my favourite holiday, so rock on everyone. Happy New Years. We'll see how much I need to repent between now and Yom Kippur. I'm feeling pretty good about my year, so probably not much. For the last two or three years I boycotted repenting because I was pretty much done with God. Maybe I should repent for that shit? Who knows, maybe after some rum I'll be repenting left right and centre.

MB-day '06!

On this, the thirtieth birthday of the Matt Brown, I have bombarded him with 30 e-mails proclaiming 30 reasons why I love him. I'm posting it on the old blog so that everyone can take a moment and send some love vibes to our dear friend Matt Brown. I also like to throw things like this out there every once in awhile just to confuse Matt's friends who think we have some sort of secret and almost incestuous love going on. See you all at the partay! Yar.

1. I love Matt Brown's ability to be incredibly loud for comedic affect. Especially on the street or in particularly close quarters with strangers. It challenges me to relax a little and to really not care what people think (even though I always pretend to not care what people think).

2. I love/lobe Matt Brown's fuzzy tummy when it is accidentally exposed in yoga. And the disgusted look he gives me when I want to touch it.

3. I love that Matt Brown changes his hair extremely for halloween costumes.

4. I love that Matt Brown smells his action figures when he takes them out of the package.

5. I love that Matt Brown has matter-of-fact conversations with small children. Especially in toys R us. ("Do you even know who Obi Wan is?")

6. I love Matt Brown because he's one of the bravest people I know and he doesn't even know it. Especially in social situations.

7. I love Matt Brown because he's one of my only friends who has cared enough to come visit me in Guelph. (And on multiple occaisions!)

8. I love Matt Brown because he makes the best damn guacamole in the world. And his rockamole is pretty good too.

9. I love Matt Brown because he dresses up with me for Harry Potter events and gets as excited as I do.

10. I love Matt Brown because he knows how often I check his blog and is still my friend.

11. I love Matt Brown because he buys/lends me books he thinks I will like. And he's right.

12. I love Matt Brown because he edits my papers at the last minute and makes sure I'm not writing like yoda.

13. I love Matt Brown because even though he has a day job, he is more committed than anyone I know to maintaining his creative sanity. He doesn't just think about writing or film-making, he actually sits down and does it.

14. I love Matt Brown because he understands documenting ones own life.

15. I love Matt Brown because he uses the terms penis and vagina when referring to genitals, and plans to do so with his children.

16. I love Matt Brown because he e-mails me excitedly during TIFF to tell me about movies I HAVE to see. And I get excited just hearing about them.

17. I love when Matt Brown reacts to my crying. The hitting and yelling is good, but especially when he gets that little tinge of "it's okay" in his voice and I know that he cares that I'm sad, and that I'm not entirely ridiculous.

18. I love that Matt Brown and I have words and phrases that stick like "yoga yes", and "What-a-bagel!".

19. I love Matt Brown's real laugh, and how satisfying it is when it's your joke that makes his real laugh come out.

20. I love Matt Brown's appreciation of the fall.

21. I love when Matt Brown writes poetical blogposts about skin, touching, and sex. Especially when they're positive.

22. I love that Matt Brown reads to learn, and posts on his blog what he is "currently enreadulating".

23. I love that Matt Brown is an advocate for women and a feminist. I love that he's not afraid to get into tough or controversial discussions with people he cares about, or even strangers.

24. I love Matt Brown for the moments we've had together involving ice cream and french fries. They were real, and sickening, and sad, and delicious, and important.

25. I love Matt Brown for his commitment to theme parties.

26. I love Matt Brown because he embraces the importance of friends having secret hugs and goodbyes.

27. I love Matt Brown because he owns his thoughts, opinions, and feelings. Even when they crush my soul. (He also lets them pass and shift when the time comes... which always makes my soul feel a little better).

28. I love Matt Brown because he appreciates a good Chuck Norris joke.

29. I love Matt Brown because of his bountiful appreciation of cat feet.

30. I love Matt Brown because I never feel like he's the kind of friend who will drop out of my life in ten years. (Though he'll remind me frequently that we may change and never see each other again at any point... he's good for reality checks too.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT BROWN!!!!

shwoops

Well, I wasted three hours of my day today reading a book that I don't have to read for another six weeks. I'm not entirely sure how I screwed that up, but I definitely wrote the wrong reading into my agenda. Unfortunate. Then my dinner attempt failed, which was also sad. It hasn't been a particularly productive day because everything I've produced has turned into some sort of a failure. But it was sunny today, and hopefully it will be sunny again tomorrow. Yes, yes. Oh there are too many things to get done already.

brrrrrr

Jess and I got adventurous tonight and headed out to the bar. It was interesting. It took us an hour and a half to get into the bar, then it was insanely crowded. The musical standards of funk night at the Albion have severly dropped. I definitely heard ABBA and Madonna tonight. Not so funky. I was lucky enough though to get an entirely full drink (slightly less then a pint) spilled down from my entire body. Wet and sticky from my shoulder to my heals. I had to walk away as to not rage out at anyone.

The high point of the night was that my cousin Dan was at the bar with his girlfriend. This is the second time that we've run into each other in a totally random yet logical place. By that I mean, we've been in the same places but years apart (he used to live in Guelph). I ended up talking to him on the patio for a really long time about all the things that aren't really appropriate to talk about at family holidays. I love that. Especially talking about my insane evangelist judgmental aunt. She's becoming more horrible, so it's nice to know I'm not the only one who notices.

We left the bar at two and walked our friend Julie home. We then called a cab and had to wait a whole damn hour until it arrived. I was pissed. And cold. And now I'm home. And cold. It's ridiculously 4am and I'm all jazzed up. I was hoping that Steve would still be up, but I don't think it would be very nice to call him right now. Oh well.

I want my baby bok baby bok baby bok baby bok baby bok... choy

Today was gloomy and rainy and I was shockingly exhausted. It was full of stumbling and odd leg pain, and at one point feeling like my vagina was falling out of my body. That's just not good!

But my schedule is finally settled and things are in motion. I had my first counselling appointment today and while I was updating her about my summer and I came up with a reality TV show pitch. It's called "Dykes and Douches". The premise is that we move a group of Women's Studies majors, and a group of construction workers into a house and see what happens. It will be an exploration of stereotypes and maybe even a beautiful story of understanding. Or the WMST major's heads would explode and the construction workers would be confused. Either way, that's good tv.

LEG UP!!!!

It's been two days and I'm already sleep deprived and slacking. Mmmm school. Today was my longest day. It will be the longest day of the semester because I switched my schedule around so that my days are a little more balanced. And I have another class with Macelod which is lovely. It's on poetry reading and our first assignment is to bring in our favourite song and discuss it. Fancy.

Tonight the Box went for dinner at the house of some of our friends from first year. They are all organized and thus graduating this year. Horrible. Well, not really. I'm pretty glad I'm not graduating this year. When we got home I did some chore-like activities, and then Jess and I had ourselves a giggling rumble on the livingroom floor. We also found out that I can "Airplane" Jess, but she makes the most hilarious terrified face when I do it so it's even more dangerous because I'm laughing so damn hard. Perhaps a demonstration after a few drinks at the Pirate party might be necessary?

Also, the Box has developed a new love for the British (original) version of Distraction, the game show on the comedy network. It is ridiculously filthy and hilarious. There are often naked folk, danger, and highly sexual jokes. We just watched one where a woman broke her finger in a mouse trap, had soap bubbles shot at her face, and then had to get three piercings in her ear, and a belly button piercing in order to win a car. Now that's a gameshow!

"Our cats literally live like fat cats!" -macelod

Ah the anxiety of the night before the first day of school. I'm feeling a little subdued about it, but that could be because I only technically have one class tomorrow. I do, however, have a list of twelve things I have to get done tomorrow. Most of them involve long line-ups. Snah. I'm kind of excited. I have a sick love for checking things off of lists.

I wrote my first Sex with Bex tonight. I had to solicit and make up my own questions though, which made the work take a lot longer. So if anyone out there wants to write me a question and see it published send it on over to bexualintercourse@gmail.com. Once the column is published in The Peak, I'll post it online here. It will be less exciting because of the lack of fancy formatting, but you still might learn something.

Who wouldn't love us?

I miss that guy already.

Shout Out To DJ Eli!

His greatest playlist was Let's Get it On, Mmmbop, New York New York, and Silver Bells. Rock on.

My Box Is Pleased

Considering we're the Box we accomplished a lot today. We went to the market, went grocery shopping, danced to bad pop music in the kitchen, watched an episode of the L Word, baked cookies, and sang a song from the Lord of the Rings musical. Nomi is currently cutting Tama's hair in the livingroom and there are plans for booze and more L Word later tonight. Oh yeah.

Deep Vaginal Well of Knowledge

I'm officially back in Guelph and I'm sleepy. I got here last night around nine and spent the rest of the night on the floor bed watching TV and wondering what I'm going to do with myself. By tomorrow night I have to unpack all of my stuff, write a call out for crafters for the fundraiser craft show I'm organizing, and write my first instalment of Sex with Bex. So far no one has written any questions (which doesn't surprise me), so it anyone has any question they'd like to throw my way send it to bexualintercourse@gmail.com. I've thought of one, but it would be nice to have another one to answer.

Anyway, here I go again.

My shirt tucked in, and my shoes untied

Don't worry, I'm still alive. I have many things to say, but not a lot of time to say them in at the moment. I've spent the last few days having frequent breakdowns and more mexican food than usual. I think both things are rather helpful. I'm winding down my summer and packing up my room. The Box is slowly filling up. I should call them soon. I think I'm moving up there on Friday. I still have to sort out my courses and pay the man, but that will come. I'm pretty nervous about leaving and getting back into the whole Goo-groove. But I'm trying to enjoy my accomplishments of the summer (there are many), and I'm trying to kick off some writing before I go so that I have something clear to focus on while school kicks off. I'll be okay.