What's that?

In a shocking turn of events (for me anyway) I will be leaving for camp today instead of tomorrow. I was NOT too pleased when I found that out yesterday at 9pm. NOT. TOO. PLEASED. Luckily I've been packing and preparing for camp for 18 years, so I have some tricks and some know-how. The only thing I'm really lacking at the moment is a camera, which is just unfortunate.

Anyway, I will be accessible by e-mail and by snail mail, so comment if you need to be sent my camp address. I may post once or twice... much like in June... but don't hold your breath. See you for my birthday at the end of July!

Hospitals are unpleasant and their lunches make my tummy hurt.

Sunnybrook hospital tells me my visual field is just dandy, and that there is no way that a person could loose vision based on anxiety. Sweet? Well, that's one hospital appointment down for the week. Now I just have to spend my Wednesday afternoon likely hearing that they can't tell a thing from my latest round of MRIs and that they just plum don't know. I think it's better going in with this attitude than actually expecting some answers.

I'm leaving for camp a week tomorrow and the panic has started to sink in. I'm excited to be up there, I'm just wavering on how long I really want to be up there. I'm hoping for a massively clarifying conversation with the directors this afternoon... but I'm not holding my breath. I don't think I've ever had a moment of clarity. Boh well.

Is everyone ready to pride it up in the old pride box?

And now it's time for another exerpt of... What Happens When Women Pray... ahem... Masturbate

Chapter 1: Masturbation Is the Answer

"The effectual fervent masturbation of a righteous [person] availeth much." James 5:16

"Lord, help! How do I motivate eight gripers?" Here they were, on a cold January morning, sitting around my dining room table-- the favoured ones, those who had been chosen to learn to masturbate. I thought they would be enthusiastic about the idea. Weren't they all "spiritual life chairmen" of women's circles at church? Instead they sat their griping.

Earlier, in the fall of 1967, the national committee of our denomination had asked me to do a project for the Crusad of the Americas. "Working with women in your own church, would you discover in a six-month period what happens when women masturbate?"

I had replied, "I'll take that little task."

It had sounded so simple in 1967. But on New Year's morning I awakened with a jold: "It's 1968, and I have to find out what happens when women masturbate!".

***

"Joyce replied, 'Just a minute Evelyn.' She went to summon a ver mature masturbater whome she knew. The three of us found a little room with bunks in it, and we got down on our knees. Those two women masturbated until I had enough strength to go out there and speak. At the end of the meeting we had a fireside service of rededication, and only 10 of the 400 women did not rededicate their lives to Christ."

I had at last convinced eight women that their pastor's wife depended 100 percent on masturbation when she went out to minister for Christ. Slowly they began to masturbate.

"Oh Lord, show me."
"Lord, cleanse me"
"Lord, use me."

That was how they masturbated for the first time, but it was a beginning.


COMING SOON: Chapter 2 "It Doesn't Take So Long"

Den of Thieves

So far today I'm doing laundry. Hilarious. I think I'll head to the gym in a little bit. Perhaps the physical activity will help clear my mind, or even shake the pain out of my head. It is unpleasant. I had trouble sleeping last night and it was one of those nights with intense reality dreams that left me feeling a little bit exhausted when I woke up. I still have a little bit of the sad rocking, and the massive lack of motivation. There are a number of things I need to do before I leave for camp, but at the moment I don't want to.

Well this was a relatively useless post. How 'bout that.

It Breaks my Heart

I've been listening to Regina Spekter a LOT since the drive up to camp on the first weekend of June and it seems to be contributing to extremes in my emotion. Sometimes it makes me super happy, and other times, like tonight, it results in me standing with my ipod watching the sunset and crying in the Home Depot plaza all alone.

I'm feeling horrifyingly lonely and disconnected today. Which sucks. And feels wrong. Which doesn't seem to matter, because I can't seem to bring it back around. I'm hoping that confining myself to my bedroom shortly to read the last two hundered pages of Order of the Phoenix. I want to be writing, but I don't think I can make it happen in a way that won't destroy me.

I hate when I am working so hard at being happy and my mind just won't allow it. I need some of mother's little helpers, but every time I go to take that step, my mother helps me by showing me debilitating articles about side effects and longterm badness. I have no options.

How come I can win an award in Women's Studies, but still allow myself to feel destroyed when I point out situations where the men around me are taking up so much space that they make me feel inferior and powerless?

ate a slice of wonderbread, and went back up to bed

Wow, it's been awhile since I blogged. I had all the intention of blogging, it's just been a ridiculous few weeks and the lack of wireless at my house combined with the homework schedule of a very busy grade ten results in very little computer time for me. Summer has been going generally well thus far.

I've been a little more down and broken then I would like, but compared to past years it really hasn't been all that bad. I've been at the gym a lot, and have spent a lot of time with Steve, both of which are very necessary. I'm working on a show this week which is forcing me to use technical skills I didn't know that I, which has been a little stressful, but satisfying.

I went to work at 6:15 this morning so I'm feel like like I need a nap. It always seems weird to snuggle up in the basement in the day time, but a nap might be necessary. I still have to finish a slide show and decorate a puppet today. And I'm working my way through the 5th HP book with the intention of reading book six next week in preperation for July. Today I saw a girl who was maybe in grade seven on the subway carrying book five and I said that I was also reading it to get ready for the summer, and she gave me a high five and said "right on!". It's adorable when kids use old slang.

I'll try to keep on top of my blogtimes.