Spin and spin and then fall down

I completely forgot blogging existed for about a week, which is strange and pretty wonderful at the same time. I'm currently a bit of a camp mess right now as my journal is lost and I'm starting to jump on the "someone-stole-it" train. It's the worst feeling to really have something important you need to write and the one item and tool that you need is gone. I've searched everywhere that it should be and I can't find it at all. I'm definitely not going to be able to leave camp until I find it. I can barely think straight and focus until I find it. I haven't felt this low at camp in years. I don't know how to get out of it right now.

And my left arm is numb. Great. Things are not going so well today.

Confusion and Conformity

So I wrote a post a few days ago but it didn't get published, and apparently the "Recover Post" feature has a time limit, so I'll have to tell the stories of tiny camper peeing exorcist style all over my cabin floor on the last night of camp... some other time.

Things are going really well. I'm couselling right now with my friend Maya and a CILT name Kayla. She's doing a really great job. I'm with 12 and 13 year old girls and they are awesome. We're making a 'zine that is focussed on countering pop-cultural portrayal of what it means to be a woman. I'm so excited! I'm hoping it turns out brilliantly.

Life is tiring, but good. Last night I had a huge scare as I gave my camper the wrong medication at the wrong time. It turned out to be fine, but then there was huge complications with her hiding sleeping pills in our cabin, and such. It was a bad night. I'm embarassed that I made such a stupid mistake. But I'm glad she's okay, because I was up crying for quite some time last night concerned for her well-being.

And I have a HP freak in my cabin! She's actually leaving camp early to go to the release. I'm jealous. Hope life in the T-dot is treating you well! I've been in the pond every day and loving it in this heat. It's so nice to be out in the woods! You should all make an effort to get out of the city as soon as possible!

Mini-Stressed

So tired. So voiceless. I've got some serious sexy lounge singer voice going on from all the yelling and singing I've been doing. It's pretty hilarious. I love my girls though. The just get cuter and more interesting everyday. Today, with my six to eight year olds I had a conversation about the homelessness in Toronto and death. Two of the girls shared stories about their dad's dying, and then we all had a good talk about loss. It was really interesting.

I'm starting to get snappy and a little burned out, but ultimately I feel really good that these ten little people feel safe and happy and secure with me and that I'm doing everything I can to make sure that they are strong and independant little girls who are having the time of their lives while in my cabin.

Mini-Camp Drain

Ahh mini-camp, where everything is mini but the timelines. I've currently got ten little girls in my care and they are all pretty excellent. Right now the kids are six to nine years old, so they are surprisingly small and they don't all stay for a full week. About half my original girls left yesterday. One of them had a massive phobia of vomitting, so we had to leave the dinning hall for a number of meals, but she made it through. I've only had two cryers from missing home, and one wake-up to go to the kybo in the middle of the night, so things are going well. It takes a long time for little people to get things done though, and my voice is starting to hurt from yelling accross the table, and yelling to get their attention while they run away. But the girls are good and I'm very happy.

One of my favourite campers arrived yesterday. I counselled him last year and I'm so upset that I can't have him again! He's an eight year old boy with down's syndrome and he makes me so happy! I got to swim with him yesterday and he absolutely loves the water. He just starts to laugh and giggle and I just can't help laughing too. I almost want to cry I love him so much! His counselors are indulging me and letting me hang out with him, so I guess it's like when your friends have babies you get to play with them and then give them back when they're tired and cranky.

I'm sure you're all fascinated by my camper talk, but yeah, kids are interesting! I love the staff up here, and being outside all the time has been great. I feel like I've been gone for a month already because the constant enthusiasm is draining. Tonight I'll finally have a night off, which I will use to shower (for the first time in four days) and then I'll probably just get some sleep. They got highspeed so I'll be able to blog more often more quickly. I hope everyone is taking some time to play today!

Menno-Slow

Well, camp is going amazingly well. I'm senior staff this year and I'm surprised by how different it feels. I suppose it's just a matter of knowing how things work and feeling really comfortable in my role here at camp, but it's all good. The kids arrive tomorrow and I think I'm with 7 to 9 year old girls, so it should be interesting.

The computer we have here is an old-school IBM with dial up, so it's ridiculously slow. I sent an e-mail earlier this week and it took me 25 minutes, so the blogs will be few and limited to my days off, because I just don't have the time when the kids are here!

I'm so happy to be out in the woods again and just re-learning how to enjoy the mostly distraction free life of camp. I'm really making an effort to spend more of my time with the other staff and have fun with them. I had a hilarious midnight golfcart ride with my cousin and two friends the other night. That's what this place is all about. In the last week I feel like I've definitely been pushing my physical limits and have been amking it through. So I feel good. I feel like I have a place here. I mean I've been spending a bit of every summer here since I was five, so it's hard for it not to feel like home.

I'm currently thinking about piercing my nose as a 20th birthday thing. Any thoughts? After I got my belly button pierced I decided to never pierce anything again, but I don't know. I have a few weeks to decide.

So life is good! This place and this staff are just amazing. I mean, the whole place is run by people 27 and under and all of us have been here for years, so it has a very generational familial feel to it. So it's nice that I'm a part of this family and that I get to spend time with the kids here and hopefully let them feel like part of the family too. It turns out that two of the atff memeber worked with Kate, and one of the guys spent the year doing Katimavik with one of my best friends from elimentary school. So there are connections everywhere.

I hope everyone is doing amazingly well! I look forward to seeing you all at the end of the month when I'm all worn out and sunned and centered and grounded and at peace with nature. I hope anyway. I fell down yesterday due to a dizzy spell that took me all most an hour to recover from (i.e. to get my eyes to focus properly again). I hope that passes, because fainting in front of my campers would be so traumatizing for them! Oh, and on another note, I'm going veg for camp, and possibly afterwards, depends how I'm feeling. It turns out that bacon is a weakness. I blame Steve for that. Mmmm Steve. I miss that guy, but man is he a good one.

All right, enough with the rambling. I'll do my best to be on again with wholesome camper stories a week from now. Happy July!