Leather Lesbian, Leather Lesbian, Leather Lesbian

Well it's my last Thursday of the fall semester. That was fast. I've completely finished one out of five courses. So now it's down to one paper, three exams, and two events. Not impossible, but a little bit daunting.

Tama and I are going tonight to pick up my prize from the craft show I did last week. I'm hoping it's a good one. That would make Thursday better. That and Guacamole and the L Word. Mmmm guacalesbians.

Tranny Tranny Fuckface

It's cream time. Jess is all wet so she doesn't want to come for cream. She will do anything for cheap Wang.

Extreme Vegh!

Oh my God I laughed so hard Tama had to ask me what was wrong with me!

ze didn't like my genitals so I told hir to go fuck hirself

There's really nothing like going to the doctor for a simple check up and ending up with a stranger's fingers up your ass. I suppose there's a first time for anything. And as if they didn't fuck me up the ass enough, a doctor and a nurse practitioner trapped me in a room to tell me about how much they think I need to be on anxiety meds and how I should start them up as soon as possible. Then they tell me that they don't have any more of my birth control left so they put me on a different brand, which is horrifying... even though they say it's exactly the same, but with a different name. I still find it scary. I don't like fucking around with my body. But I also don't like feeling like shit. I am so confused.

The Epitome of Vague

I'm on page four of my nine page essay (yay!) and the rest of the paper is pretty much mapped out. I think there's going to be a lot of editing to make sure it sounds like one coherent paper, and not three seperate papers, but I think I'll be done early enough that that shouldn't be an issue. I'm having a lot of trouble organizing my papers this semester because I'm all tied up in the chronological. I'll be very happy when this is done. One day at a time and all that.

enough

I'm sitting her and horribly (wonderfully?) procrastinating by watching Love Actually. I know I'm being stupid. But the idea of going up to my room and working seems horrible. Just a few more minutes... the movie is almost done. Then I'll go up and be brilliant for a little bit, thereby feeling accomplished and satisfied before I go to bed. Ot else I'll pull an all0nighter tomorrow night and get it done. Because that's what I do. I get things done.

It's masturbation... and I helped!

So I got an e-mail from "No O in Sight" after I answered her question. So exciting! Here it is:


Hey there!

Just wanted to thank you for getting my question in the Peak food issue :) I like the suggestion of mutual masturbation - actually, in the almost four years we've been together, we've never really done that specifically...if that makes sense. Well, at least I've never really done it around him (maybe once or twice), but we've both been open to it, it's definitely not taboo in our relationship. So recently I've been finishing, thanks to my own "handy" work (hehe) after he's finished. Either way, it's nice to be around him during that moment, and I feel that I'm getting a bit more comfortable with doing that in front
of him, without feeling that perhaps he's judging or something.

Actually, I'm starting to think that perhaps the fact that he does enjoy porn has something to do with this...cause how women are portrayed in porn, orgasming (if at all), or whatever, is definitely NOT how it happens for most people, and I thought it may shock him to see how it actually is.

Anyhow!! Thanks again :)

Do you see what I see? Boughs of holly.

Well the clock is starting to tick my friends and I have some grand christmas plans. Grand, but maybe not possible. I'm realizing that the stuff I was planning to make for people when I got home gives me like ten days until Christmas. I'd better work fast.

Yesterday I had my last craft show of the season. It was actually pretty nice spending the day at a craft show. It's early enough that it didn't make me feel insane to listen to Christmas carols in a loop all day, and late enough into November that the idea of Christmas isn't horrifying.

I made $130 bucks, which isn't too bad. And I made some sweet trades for some good stuff. I also just got a phone call saying that I won a prize from the penny table at the show. I'm hoping it's something good and not one of the crappier prizes I entered for. Oh well, a free prize is a free prize!

I feel like my posts have been kind of forced and boring lately. There's a lot of tension in my brain around what's postable and what isn't. I'll try to pump up the entertainment jams!

The little candle behind my eyes is flickering... while the wax melts, dripping into my brain

I'm pretty ready for my craft show tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm ready to wake up, which is going to be a problem. I was feeling good yesterday, and earlier this week, and I had myself a little crash today. It involved some crying on a secluded pathway on campus, and then walking home while listening to Reckoning (ani)... which is the audio indication that a Box girl is in distress. I'm feeling a little better right now, it's just the burn out that's threatening.

We're currently watching Interview with a Vampire, which is funny because Jess and I were just talking this week about how we've never seen the whole movie. So yeah, that's cheerful. I'm sure I'll get to bed soon. I

I think tomorrow it's time to sit down and do some writing of my own tomorrow. I just need to get some stuff out of my brain before I tackle all of the papers and such that are coming up.

Nov 28- Sexuality and the Stage Paper Due
Nov 29- Anti-Racism Event
Dec 1-2- Accessibility Conference in Toronto
Dec 6- Scottish Formations Final Exam
-National Day of Rememberance and Action on Violence Against Women Event
Dec 7- Staff Visioning about next semester
Dec 9- Poetry Final Paper due
Dec 12- Zoology Final Exam
- British Imperial Cultre Final Exam
Dec 14- psychiatrist appointment

Too many things. Too many things.

just because I miss that guy and I couldn't make it to 1MFF this year... and because I just installed my scanner (finally!)

We Are Wise Wise Women, We Are Giggling Girls

The Box banded together this week to keep each other sane... I can't believe it's only Tuesday. We've all been sobbing, stressing, twisty messes... but we're crawling together towards ice cream, tv, tea, and hugs and we're all still alive, which is pretty shocking at the moment. I'm not sure what is going to happen to all of us when we're split apart. Oh I lament for the end of the Box.

I had a conversation online tonight with another wonderful woman in my life. We've been living apart for years now but our lives are ridiculously similar! Here's an excerpt that made me laugh outloud:

Helen says: (10:14:14 PM)
well, this is the thing i'm struggling with

Helen says: (10:14:19 PM)
is that when you're together it's great

Helen says: (10:14:33 PM)
so is it better to go with your instincts when you're apart

Helen says: (10:14:39 PM)
or wait til you can be together

Helen says: (10:14:43 PM)
and then see how it feels

bex says: (10:14:53 PM)
yeah I don't know which instincts are right!

bex says: (10:15:53 PM)
I think what scares me the most, is the idea that I might lose this independant part of myself

Helen says: (10:16:04 PM)
right

Helen says: (10:16:12 PM)
cuz shouldn't that be the most important part?

Helen says: (10:16:15 PM)
the part we listen to?

bex says: (10:16:27 PM)
I DON"T KNOW!!!!!

bex says: (10:17:02 PM)
yeah it's scary.

bex says: (10:17:12 PM)
we need some wise women mentors or something

Helen says: (10:17:38 PM)
yes!

Helen says: (10:17:46 PM)
but all we have are sex and the city reruns

bex says: (10:18:01 PM)
this is the problem 

Helen says: (10:18:01 PM)
but i think we both know what wise women would say

Helen says: (10:18:12 PM)
to listen to the part we're both trying to ignore

bex says: (10:18:19 PM)
god that's scary

Helen says: (10:18:25 PM)
indeed

Helen says: (10:18:37 PM)
we can talk about anal sex again instead

Helen says: (10:18:39 PM)
hahah

bex says: (10:19:46 PM)
I love you!

I suppose that's the deal... we get older in this wacky heteronormative world of ours and have to make a greater effort to keep our little wisewoman circle together. I'm not sure I'm ready for a world where sobbing can't be immediately followed by a four woman congregation around a tub of Ben and Jerry's Half-baked without planning.

Sex with Bex #3

Welcome to a very tasty Sex with Bex!

Food can be sexy in so many ways, so before we get into some questions lets talk about sensuous snacking. Many shops sell chocolate body paint and other various edible goos to spread on lovers as food sex toys. Honey, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce, etc. can also be used as inexpensive sexy (though sticky) treats to put on, and lick off of each other. If using these treats around the female genitalia beware that sugar massively increases the chances of a yeast infection if it gets into the yoni. And that’s just not fun.

Food and sex is not just about dripping and licking sweet sticky stuff. Foreplay can start with dinner. When choosing which foods to eat, remember that many foods have been known as aphrodisiacs, sometimes in relation to their phallic or vaginal resemblances, but also because of their vitamin and mineral makeup that elicit particular physical responses in the body. Foods like oysters have been associated with sex and seduction throughout time. It turns out that oysters are high in zinc, which is a mineral used in the production of testosterone. Chilies can also get you hot and bothered because of their casaicin, which is the substance that gives that kick to spicy foods like peppers and curries. Capsaicin works by stimulating nerve endings to release chemicals that raise the heart rate and can possibly trigger the release of endorphins giving you the pleasurable feeling of a natural high. And of course, good old-fashioned chocolate contains a stimulant called phenylethylamine, that brings about a sense of wellbeing and excitement conducive to sex.

According to the Smell and Taste Foundation in Chicago, the smells of certain foods can be sexually arousing. Most notably for men, pumpkin pie and buttered popcorn, and licorice candy for women. Think of that next time you’re picking your movie snacks!
(http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/aphrodisiacs/foods.html)

Grab yourself a tasty treat! And keep your questions coming!

-Bex

Dear Bex,

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now, I love him more than anything. But, I have NEVER experienced an orgasm while being with him in all these years. It's not that I can't have an orgasm...I've been masturbating since I was 12, so I know I'm perfectly capable. For some reason, it's just never happened in the thousands of times I've been with him. I enjoy sex with him, it feels wonderful (not just intercourse... you name it, we've probably done it). Sometimes I feel like I get close, but then I plateau...and it just doesn't happen.

It's gotten to the point where I feel like it's hopeless, and I'll never be able to share this with him. It's so frustrating. I've talked to lots of my friends about it but none of them can relate. Sure, they may not reach orgasm all the time, but not NEVER. All the things I've read about not being able to have an orgasm don't apply to me, because I can do it myself. I've even gotten to the point now where I haven't masturbated at all for weeks, just to see if it would change anything when I go to visit him at his university. I’ve also tried clitoral stimulation during sex, and that didn’t work either.

I feel like I'm totally out of options.

Please, pleassseee help.

No O in Sight

Dear No O in Sight,

Don’t panic! This happens to a lot of people (of all genders). Sometimes the amount of pressure people put on themselves to have orgasms can have a huge effect on whether or not it actually happens. The first thing I would suggest is to try to keep yourself in the moment during stimulation. If you put too much focus on climaxing, it’s going hurt your chances of reaching the point of orgasm. Your psychological state of mind could be inhibiting your orgasms (Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity, 2004). Talking to your partner about your frustration in all of this (in a way that’s not threatening to his sexual ability of course) might help take some of the pressure off of you to achieve orgasm and make you feel more relaxed about the whole thing.

Since you can achieve orgasm through masturbation you might want to try mutual masturbation with your partner, where both of you masturbate together in the same room. This is something that lots of people do, and it is a safer sex option because it doesn’t involve any swapping of bodily fluids (Pavanel, 2001). By trying out mutual masturbation you can each pleasure yourselves, achieve orgasm, and share the experience. This experiment in intimacy might help you to relax about having orgasms with your partner since you know already know that you can do it yourself. Then he at least can be there as you climax, and you can start the taking a bit of the pressure off of the idea of NEVER having had an orgasm with him. It may also give your partner some ideas on how he can try out your technique to get you off. If this idea makes you uncomfortable at first you could ease into it with something like phone sex (because it sounds like you’re doing the long distance thing). That way you can start off with over the phone orgasms and work your way up to the mutual masturbation.

Once the pressure is off a little bit, you could try things like using vibrators for clitoral stimulation during sex. It may also help to increase the amount of foreplay, which will raise your level of arousal before intercourse, etc., and make it easier for you to have yourself an orgasm.
Just don’t worry! Take deep breaths and focus on the moment. Orgasms aren’t everything, but if it’s frustrating you to the point of distraction I encourage you to keep talking to your partner and trying out these potentially new sexually intimate ideas.
Good luck!

Dear Sex with Bex,

Recently my sex drive has completely vanished. I'm a dude, so this has me worried. I've stopped masturbating and I don't think about having sex with girls very much any more at all. Is it going to come back? Aren't I too young for viagra?

Yours,

Desperately Seeking Sex Drive


Dear DSSD,

If you’re anything like me, this answer is going to annoy you. The best way to increase sex drive (as with so many other things) is EXERCISE. Bah. This is true for everyone, not just men. The other thing that can increase sex drive is novelty. So if you’re going over the same fantasy, looking at the same images, or playing with the same toys as usual, maybe it’s time to mix things up a bit. Perhaps you could go get yourself a pumpkin pie or some buttered popcorn and take a deep breath before you masturbate! Just try not to get too preoccupied and worried about the lack of drive. Just because you have no sex drive right now, it doesn’t mean that it will be like that forever.

If you’re starting to feel like this is a real medical problem, there is a disorder called hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which refers to people who have little or no sexual desire. This is one of the most commonly diagnosed sexual dysfunctions. This can be caused by hormonal deficiencies, depression, and dissatisfaction with one’s current sexual situation. It can also relate to anxiety, thyroid over or underactivity, or temporal lobe epilepsy. Various medications to treat these medical problems can also contribute to hypoactive sexual desire disorder. If you feel like you may have this disorder, I encourage you to see your doctor.

Before you panic and start running to the medics, try out exercise, novelty, and aphrodisiacs. Obsessing over the idea of your lack of sex drive probably isn’t helping to bring back the boner.

-Bex

If you have any questions for the next edition of Sex with Bex send them freely and frequently to bexualintercourse@gmail.com. Remember to lube up and play safe!

Books:

The Sex Book by Jane Pavanel

This book is an excellent sex dictionary geared towards teens. It includes a really great definition gender and info on the lesser-discussed acts like fisting, and anal sex. This book is sex positive and queer positive and an excellent addition to the sex-curious reader’s library

The Fun-Time Centre For Girls

Just for kicks us feminists sit around and laugh at dictionary definitions of woman. Here are some of the favourites that dictionary.com had to offer:

WOMAN

-a wife.
-a sweetheart or paramour; mistress
-a female employee or representative: A woman from the real estate agency called.
-a female person who cleans house, cooks, etc.; housekeeper: The woman will be in to clean today.
-Obsolete. to cause to act or yield like a woman.

-Woman, female, lady are nouns referring to adult human beings who are biologically female; that is, capable of bearing offspring. Woman is the general term. It is neutral, lacking either favorable or unfavorable implication, and is the most commonly used of the three: a wealthy woman; a woman of strong character, of unbridled appetites.
-A female servant or subordinate.
-n 1: an adult female person (as opposed to a man); "the woman kept house while the man hunted"
- a human female who does housework;
-a female person who plays a significant role (wife or mistress or girlfriend) in the life of a particular man; "he was faithful to his woman"

And of course, the always hilarious bible:

woman

was "taken out of man" (Gen. 2:23), and therefore the man has the preeminence. "The head of the woman is the man;" but yet honour is to be shown to the wife, "as unto the weaker vessel" (1 Cor. 11:3, 8, 9; 1 Pet. 3:7). Several women are
mentioned in Scripture as having been endowed with prophetic gifts, as Miriam (Ex. 15:20), Deborah (Judg. 4:4, 5), Huldah (2 Kings 22:14), Noadiah (Neh.6:14), Anna (Luke 2:36, 37), and the daughters of Philip the evangelist (Acts 21:8, 9). Women are forbidden to teach publicly (1 Cor. 14:34, 35; 1 Tim. 2:11,12). Among the Hebrews it devolved upon women to prepare the meals for the household (Gen. 18:6; 2 Sam. 13:8), to attend to the work of spinning (Ex.35:26; Prov. 31:19), and making clothes (1 Sam. 2:19; Prov. 31:21), to bring water from the well (Gen. 24:15; 1 Sam. 9:11), and to care for the flocks (Gen.
29:6; Ex. 2:16). The word "woman," as used in Matt. 15:28, John 2:4 and 20:13,15, implies tenderness and courtesy and not disrespect. Only where revelation is known has woman her due place of honour assigned to her.

ALL FEAR!

Seriously. Be fearful.

muff muncher!

It's getting to that point in the semester when I'm working my ass off to control my anxiety... which doesn't leave a lot of time for me to work my ass off on school stuff. Unfortunate. I've been exercising my disability extensions this week. I will work really hard this weekend, I swear. I actually have no choice.

Tonight I really meant to sit down and write my pan paper, but my body is failing and I just don't feel good. I've been having really bad headaches, which doesn't usually happen to me, and twice today I had to stop because the pains in my stomach were so bad that I couldn't stand up.

I think tonight I'll just do the smallest possible amount of work and then get through tomorrow.

Hey bo'sun!

Last night we had to turn the furnace off because it was making horrible noises and we feared Nomi being burned alive. The house was cold and we were all over-tired. Because of this Jess and I decided to have a slumber party. We talked, we read Peter Pan, and then we talked some more. We decided we should call each other bo'sun from now on. It was nice and cozy. We nested with both of our duvets and pillows all piled on our bed.

This morning I got up at eight and made a shockingly coherent phone call to a furnace repair company. They came at 9am, but I still ended up having to miss my 11:30 class because the job took a lot longer than expected. Bah. I hate when things stop working. Anyway, it's done now and the Box can warm up once again.

I have a paper to write for tomorrow and besides having finished Pan and marking off a few passages, I'm not very far along in the process. When I'm done this I'm going to start searching for articles... but I feel like it will be better to search articles with Almost Famous on in the background... but maybe that's not a good idea.

Breasty Imperial Culture

I was up until 3:15 last night writing my Zoology term paper, which was annoyingly more stressful than it should have been. I was then kept up until about 4:30 with anxiety induced heart palpatations. This made getting up this morning to catch the 9:09am bus. Especially when I woke up at 9:12. I pulled it together and got on the 9:24 bus and got into my class a mere 12 minutes late. It's not good, because it happens VERY often. But today I walked in and there was a baby toddling around the classroom!

My prof brought her almost one year old to class. I missed the explaination why because of the lateness and all, but no matter. Baby times! He has just started to pull himself up on things and walk with support, so when I came in he was pushing a chair around. With about half an hour left of the lecture (this is a 60 person class), the baby got fussy, and my prof, being the wonderful woman that she is picked him up, sat down on the chair and just breast fed away! It just made my day. It's just so nice to see this strong intelligent woman being a mother and an intellectual at the same time in the most blatant way possible, without even a hint of an apology. She's my new idol!

Benny benny benny WHOOPS benny WHOOPS benny benny benny benny

As you may have heard, Matt and I ate insanely ridiculous amounts of Eggs Benedict today... and I can't say I really regret it. I told Steve tonight that I did something gross today, and proceeded to relate the two-Bennies-in-two-hours story. When I was done he said "what was the gross part?"... awwwwww.

I gotta say though, we were right loopy by the end with the combination of butter, eggs, caffeine and exhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaling. I wasn't sure I was going to make it home as I was suffering from much dizzy fullness.

I meant to do work this afternoon. I did. I ended up lying on my futon and watching Hook on TBS, which I figure is almost the same as reading the Peter Pan text that I have to write a paper on for next week. Close enough anyway.

I swear I'll do work later.

Vagina Tuesdays

I had a presentation today where I had to present my analysis of a Scottish folktale in front of my 120 person class. I decided to analyze the tale based on the representation of masculinity and the demonization of femininity. So of course I mentioned vaginas. The men basically enter a cavern through a tunnel and die because of it. Hello dangerous vag! So not only does the main character end up dead because being cowardly (and therefore not manly), it all happens in a big vaginal cavern.

Well I'm an idiot, and clearly living in my Box/Women's Studies bubble, because it didn't even cross my mind that in a third year English class I would get a reaction for saying the word vagina. People couldn't stop laughing! And it totally shot my confidence because I couldn't tell if they were laughing because they thought my analysis was ridiculous, or if it was because I was saying vagina. So I started to ramble, and then I just didn't know what to do so I just kept saying vagina, and they just kept reacting. The world is not ready for me.

Vagina Land!

I was just working on a folktale analysis and I was trying to write "vaginal, and", but I left out the space and the comma and ended up with vaginaland! What a happy happy place.

Today has been better.

shown and sold

I don't know what's happening. I've gone from feeling amazing about life to lying face down on the floor bed and staring all day because I didn't feel like I could move. I tried to fight it by doing little things like reading, and making dinner, and I suppose I accomplish a lot, but ever since last night I haven't been able to shake the tears in my throat or my general sense of sad exhaustion. I watched three useless hours of "Rock School" today because I didn't want to think.

I need to get back to being functional because I have a lot more to get through this week, and in the next few weeks. I can't afford to keep feeling like I can't do anything, or like I can't talk to anyone about falling again because I don't want people to go back to either patronizingly telling me I'm okay, or just avoiding the subject. I'm sure I'll get back, it just hit me so suddenly and with so much force that I wasn't prepared. It took me three hours to convince myself to leave my bedroom today. I just think this week is going to be a lot of forcing myself to do things because I should. I haven't felt like this in awhile, and I was hoping it would be limited to last night, but it carried over.

Why can't I feel proud of my accomplishments?

Next year in Jerusa.... uh, on a Friday.

Show and Sell went well. I had 20 vendors, I dealt with people not showing up, and I made about fifty bucks. Money was not so much the point. I bought some presents for people and supported my fellow crafters and I kind of felt like that was more important today.

I was on campus from 7am to 6pm. I don't think I've been on campus that early since I lived there. I pretty much owned the UC and I strutted my ass off around that joint. I moved all the tables to where they needed to be, put up signs, labelled all the tables, and put out comment cards.

And now I'm home and sleepy and my feet are all achey. We're going to see Short Bus tonight, which I'm excited about, but I need to have some more tea if I'm going to make it through. Right now I feel like I can't move and that doesn't bode well for staying awake. Tomorrow I refuse to leave the house. I may spend most of my day in bed, I'm not sure.

This coming week is going to be a short one though (I'm taking two mental health days and I don't care), so I think I'll make it through. I'm off to stare into space for awhile and watch Strike! Flat Critters!

Life's just flowers and sausages!

Well it's a coming... Tomorrow is my long-awaited craft show. I'm pretty sure I've thought of everything (knock on wood) and despite some table mishaps earlier, I think it's all working out. I have 21 vendors coming in tomorrow and I'm hoping there will be tons of customers. I know I'm going to do some buying. I'll be reasonable in terms money spending I suppose, but it's not so bad to spend on local folk that I may not see again. Oh money.

I'm very distracted right now. I feel like I can't stop making lists about tomorrow. This week was generally good. I got a lot done, which kind of surprised me. Steve came to visit for our anniversary, which was excellent and I'm sad he's gone. It's been a really emotionally intense week and I've done a lot of crying, so it was really nice for him to be here.

Anyway, Show and Sell tomorrow. Send me good and capitalist thoughts!