In case you were wondering...

Here's what it looks like when box girls kiss and it gets published in the school newspaper:



That's Nomi and Jack in the front and Tama and I in the back right. Woot.

When Nerds Find Love

I'm so very stuffy! My brother's ill-habits that involve coughing on the keyboard have resulted in my being freakin' sick. I also hurt my shoulders at the gym yesterday. I can't raise my arms beyond a certain height. Hilarious. So now I'm just sneezy and chilled and watching the Simpsons. The plan is to make tea whenever I can pump myself up enough to leave the couch. I'm doing fairly well in terms of school work though, so that's a plus.

We watched some sweet Amay-Ray tonight, and some even sweeter Gilmore Girls. The trouble with the two hour long episodes is that it's really hard to stay interested the whole damn time. Ah well. We love the hippies and the nerds that love. We hate the ditzy blonds and southern couple where the woman said she's a traditional southern woman and her husband is the leader in their relationship... the husband who rand through the hotel yelling "did a black team just come through here?". Wowza.

At the moment I'm trying not to let the high intensity stress rays of midterms get to me (seeing as how I have none). Also I'm thinking I'll allow myself to go to the gym only twice this week on account of the severe damn pain. No one has time to take care of me so I've got to make my soup myself and put myself to bed.

"Who invited Steve? That guy's a cunt."

I have professed my love for Andy Samberg before, but it has reached a new height. I love this man. Not only that, but I love all of the lonely island guys. I seriously need more Jews in my life right now. That's the answer, I just want to hang out with hilariously funny heebs. I love them. Last night Jess and I watched Awesome Town twice and actually had to stop because our love for them hurts so much that we just didn't have the energy to love anymore.

They just remind me of all the guys I spent my Saturdays with at Hillel and the Secular Jewish Association while I was growing up. I just want to laugh with them and make love to them. The must be rewarded for their hilarity! I strongly recomment Awesometown because it's freakin' brilliant. My particular favourites are "Climbing", "Chip" (oh to be that chip!), "20 Questions" and "Running". Oh man. And the Awesometown theme song just broke my brain with it's goodness. I almost died when Jorma "the sensitive one" busted out that he was going to "spread your ass cheeks and stick my dick in it!". Seriously now, it's time for me to meet this guys.

YES!

I just want to squeeze their fat little thighs!

Apparently there are these programs in elementary schools where groups of grade six boys go for empathy training by playing with tiny babies. I'd never heard of these groups before this week, but they do them at my mom's school and they've been happening for awhile. I also found out this week that I was a baby in one of these boys for baby groups. Yes somewhere out there there are a group of 32 year old men who played with me, bathed me, and kept journals about my doings. Wild. I think it would be awesome to do a documentary this summer where I track down the school list from Maurice Cody in 1985 and see who I can track down. Maybe they have babies, maybe the empathy training worked for them, maybe they still have their journals. Maybe that's a selfish project, but I think it could work. Oh boys for babies! Maybe that's why I tend to enjoy hanging out with boys, and older boys at that!

Slipped on a Kiss and Tumbled into Love

Back in the Goo things got off to a hilarious start this morning involving pipes and plumbers, phone calls, and a wrong number to Edith who was expecting a call. (Awwww!!!) I missed two buses and had to solicit a TJ ride to school which was so helpful, though I hate doing that! I pretty much have accomplished everything I had to do today though. I kept my appointments and even went to the gym. The GYM! Oh yeah.

So I'm going to try this new thing where I am more concious of what I'm posting in terms of the anxiety/depression/lack of reality part of my life. If nothing else it will make me focus on what I'm writing and maybe what's making me feel crazy. I've developed a vast confusion around reality at the moment and I feel like a giant cliche. (yeah I don't know how to make accent aigues on my computer). But maybe I don't want to be representing myself in the blogosphere as a cliche. On top of that I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish by publishing my various moments of struggle. I get few comments so it's not a response thing. Maybe I'm just sending it out there so that the few people that actually read this thing are aware of my troubles... But it's been the same damn trouble for awhile now and frankly I feel like they'll ask if they want to know.

We'll see how long this lasts but my general sense of how I want to exist right now is in a more focussed sate, whether that's positive or negative. I just have to figure out which part of me is the real one and where my old self got to. I prefer to be in an idealistic faery state as opposed to the muddy drenched funk I've dipped into lately.

That's Cool.

Back at the Box. We're having a discussion/demonstration of the spastic bubble walk used to expel air from the vagina. Yeah that's what we do.

Sleepy Hair Cutting and Kittens

My hair has changed twice today which is all fairly exciting. We'll how it all comes together. I just wanted something different. I'm highly unsatisfied with my body, so maybe I can be satisfied in some other way? Soon chocolate will satisfy me. I'm looking forward to that. So yeah, I wrote my essay analyzing Matt Brown (I don't know if I did it right) I'll have to do some editing and some printing, but that's it. I'm going to get myself together enough tonight that I don't have to have a panic fest tomorrow morning while I get all my shit together to head to T-dot. Breathing is fun. Right now I have a mad craving for faux hot chocolate but we have no rice milk. Yeah. Anyway, I'm a big distractotron at the moment. I'll be home soon and we'll certainly see how that turns out.

Snow Day

Today is the first snow day for the UofG in 13 years. Fancy and relaxing. So I went and got my hair cut. It's not as drastic as I needed it to be. And when I asked for it to be changed the hair dresser refused. Why do I have to be made to feel like I'm invisible and worthless? It's your damn job to cut my hair. He said I could go back if I didn't like it, but yet refused to change it when I asked him to. I'm really disappointed and upset. I feel angry and bland and boring.

Nightmares Eh?

The night I had that scary terrible nightmare I woke up feeling like I couldn't breath and was being choked by my necklace that I had forgotten to take off. It was an onyx necklace that I made for a craft show in the fall. I really love the piece of stone and it has a really pretty look to it so I want to keep it, but I just looked up onyx and it has a number of healing properties, but also: "The stone is also reputed to have bad mental consequences that can include depression and nightmares". Well I wore it yesterday and felt like shit, the day I went to see my dad's show and then spun into a hellish depression I was wearing it, and I was wearing it when I had my nightmare. Maybe onyx and I aren't meant to be.

It's All Happening...

"The only true currency in this world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool."

I'm a mountain... wait... not yet.

Today has been a day of severe ups and downs. I woke up this morning feeling entirely disfunctional. I really didn't want to start my day. But I went to my stress management workshop and relaxed a little, and then I headed to the Guelph Queer Equality kiss-in. Tama and I both had partner permission to participate in the kiss in. Steve and I have a particular technique we named "Tama kissing" and it's true, she does Tama Kiss. But yeah it was really fun and adrenaline-y to stand up and be controversial. If we get put in the newspaper this week I'll scan and post it. After that I was all riled up and felt like I wanted to either make out or throw something. I didn't do either. I just deteriorated into a pending panic attack. For about two hours I had an over zealous heart rate and severe trouble breathing. I ended up going to class feeling bad and dizzy. I left during discussion time to get a drink and had to keep myself from bursting into tears as I walked down the hallway.

After class all of us felt like our spirits had been crushed (us being all of the box girls... yes we have a class all together). We walked towards the WRC where we locked ourselves in the private room and discussed. I cried, Jess cried, we all were struggling. Right now I feel okay, just exhausted. I'm feeling in crisis, and it's a crisis that has been repeating for a while now. It's a crisis that I gave myself a deadline to figure out and that deadline is approaching. I'm scared and not brave. I have this problem where I have no confidence about anything that I think or do. I don't know how to make that stop. My lack of confidence is sparking anxiety attacks and making everything worse. The trouble that I know I can fix this, but I don't want to... that deep down I know I know that I'm great and people love me, but deeper down I don't really think that's true.

Buttle Fucker

Let me tell you, Sandhu is definitely fucking all of those skater boys. Especially Buttle. Buttle you nailed that routine like Sandhu nailed you last night.

I Broke the Hell Out of that Fast

Well, I made it through today. I just ate some hummus with the other Cleansettes and it was the most satisfying thing of our lives. Mmmmm. Hopefully my body doesn't explode or implode... hopefully it will just plode. Yes?

The exam went fairly well. I definitely got the answers to 19 out of 20 short answers and there's definitely some words on some paper for the essays, so that has to count for some points. Shockingly I'm all caught up in terms of reading tomorrow and I'm free to lounge a bit tonight before I start reading my adolescent lit book for Wednesday. Yes.

The cleanse is done a week tomorrow and I'm starting to itch for the finish. I'm pretty impressed with all of us. We've been incredibly good. It would have been nicer if I dropped 20 pounds, but I guess I'll save that for the next time I don't eat for days.

Check Out My Outsides There Ain't Nothin' In Here

I'm feeling shockingly nauseous from coming off the fast. I woke up this morning and questioned whether or not I could make it downstairs without vommiting. I've been feeling tired, achy, weak, nauseous and chilled so I'm kind of scared this is just a poorly timed flu. Who knows.

I'm sitting here working on procrastinating until the very last minute for my exam tonight. I don't regret deferring the exam, I'm just nervous because there are a number of texts that I haven't read since September or October and I'm concerned that I won't know the details that will be necessary to get me through the short answer portions. Also my insane inability to focus right now is making me worried. Ultimately I know I won't fail the course but my overall average without this class last semester was 80.4% and I'd really like to keep the 80. There's not a lot of breathing room though. We'll see, maybe the professor will be lenient with the grading.

I'm forcing myself to study at my desk now since the couch and my bed both made me drift off. I am sooooooo looking forward to being able to have some rice tomorrow. I love grains. I love them so damn much!

Hunger Drunk

We had a pretty thrilling moment just now with the Flying Tomato winning the gold. Jess has developed a mad crush on him which has made the world more exciting. Jess and I have this new thing where we're going to e-mail the celebrities that we are in love with (namely Andy Samberg, Demetri Martin, Shaun White, Jimmy Fallon) and tell them that if they come to our house they are 100% guarenteed that we will double team them. How could they possibly refuse?



Sasha Cohen is a whore.


And also... my exam tomorrow is gayer than Emmanuel Sandhu.

Fasting: Day Two

I'm pretty dizzy and achy at the moment but I'm not entirely discouraged. I just had a cup of warmed up vegetable juice that I seasoned to pretend it was soup. Mmmmm. I think I'm going for the two day fast because it would just be irresponsible to go into my exam tomorrow without eating. I have to go do some tidying because I can't find my notebook from last semester. The worst part is that all of my other notebooks are together in one place so I must have put this one "somewhere special" so that I could find it when I needed it. I hate when I do that.

Considering everything I've done okay in terms of work this weekend. I have a chapter and a half of gothic novel to go before I'm caught up for Monday and an Adolescent book to read by Wednesday, but I'm not to worried about it. I just have to get through this exam and then I can probably handle the rest of this week. Probably.

I realize that this isn't the most thrilling post... I'm really just trying to keep things in perspective so that I don't fall into the anxiety attack that I feel is resting just a few extra heart beats away.

Did you mean to search Box Wood?

Not sleeping, not eating... I guess I'll google my name in its various incarnations.

Turns out I've done nothing significant as I am not google-able.

I'm kinda like Jesus but not in a sacreligious way...

Well today was the first day of fasting and it was eventful. I had my Menno camp interview this morning and I'm really satisfied with how it went. I feel like I said everything I needed to about how bad last summer was and I feel like they were really understanding. I told them about my physical troubles and anxiety troubles and they were really supportive. The whole thing was really nice and happy and relaxed. Then I moved on to the WRC and played the Anti-Oppression game. There's nothing like examining privilege on a Saturday afternoon.

The fast is getting to me a little bit. I'm not hungry at all right now, I'm just really dizzy and having trouble focussing. I've been reading, but I definitely need to do some studying for an exam on Monday. But I don't want to. But if I wait until tomorrow then I might be too out of it to take anything in. Bah. The worst part is the exam is to be written on Monday night which is day three for the fast. Maybe I'll have to be logical about all of this. I think I might start fasting periodically though. I can totally do this.

The Results Are In!

Eating an entire bunch of asparagus for dinner last night did NOT make my pee smell funny or turn green. Banish that myth and revel in all of the glory of asparagi! Never again must you fear peeing in public after munching on these stemmy greens!

An Experiment in Urine Odours

I'm having a kind of "what the hell happened" evening. Last night Steve came to visit and we ended up spending the night with his nephew Matt. He came over here and they got pizza (I ate cherry tomatos) and we watched Jim Carrey movies. It was all totally impromptue, which was good, but has also left me spinning since it's going to be a week until I see Steve again, and even then he'll be all wrapped up in moving and then going to Niagara to work for a few days. I'm just feeling lonely I suppose.

Jess went out tonight so I think I'm having my very first Friday night alone at the Box too. Plus there's no promise that she'll come home, so I may end up sleeping alone too! Scary. Right now I'm watching Wheel of Fortune and thinking about reading. I just ate an entire bunch of asparagus for dinner which seems really weird. Tomorrow is day one of a three day fast. The third day I'm supposed to be writing an exam. This might be a bad plan.

Insanacleanse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Week five: Nothing but raw food followed by fasting. This makes me throw yams. Thirteen more days.

My Nightmare

It was 8pm and I was in the main bedroom of my Zaida's house when the first note appeared. I was preparing for my presentation and when I glanced down at my textbook from my laptop there was a threatening note scrawled across the front of it in gold pen in graffiti style font. It told me I was going to be killed. It told me to be in that bed by 11:20pm. I was shockingly calm considering I was alone in the house, but I decided to call Steve to come over. While we were on the phone he suggested that to keep myself occupied I should listen to the audio of this movie that he had sent me. I plugged my headphones into my laptop and carried it around while I listened and prepared to leave. I was really aware of how strange it was to listen to the background music and sound effects without the visual cues for interpretation.

When I walked into the livingroom there was a thin young man standing there, staring at me. He had long, straight, fair hair and he was thin with slight muscles. He looked smug and pleased with himself. I immediately thought that he had written the note. Our eyes locked for a moment and when I broke away there was another threatening note written across my laptop. There was no way this man could have not written it. The killer was in the house and was coming close enough to cover my possessions with sprawling gold writing. I was a little shaken. I moved about the house gathering my things trying to ignore the presence of this young man.

Steve arrived shortly after. When he came in two strangers, a man and a woman from outside, followed to see if I was okay. They were both in business attire. The street was uncharacteristically busy with transport trucks and a multitude of cars. The noise was overwhelming. I never figured out how they knew to check if I was okay, but when they saw the young man they turned around and left abruptly. When the woman ran outside I saw a transport truck with a giant gold message to her pass by, and she screamed. The man held up his newspaper and it too was covered in the gold writing. I knew that they were going to die.

Steve and I decided to leave in a few minutes. He had to go downtown so he was going to ride the subway with me. This surprised me because I assumed he was just stopping in. I was relieved. The young man started talking to us, making fun of us for thinking it was going to be so easy to leave. He exuded a sick confidence that made my stomach churn. I went into the bedroom to get a few things. Steve went to the kitchen to grab a snack. As I was packing I realized I hadn't heard from Steve for a while so I passed the smirking young man in the hallway and headed to the kitchen. Then I saw it. The sink was filled with sand and in the middle was Steve's blue and cold disembodied face. I felt like my core had dropped out of me. The young man began to laugh.

A woman came into the house. She was enraged. She looked a lot like the woman that had come in earlier. She was taller than me and wearing a business suit. She engaged the young man in a flirty dialogue, but I could tell that they were both pulsing with rage. He advanced on her and she kicked him in the stomach. He then made a comment along the lines of "I was going to fuck you, but since you did that..." Then he jumped on to her, knocking her onto the ground. He sat on her chest and pinned her arms under his knees. She struggled as hard as she could but couldn't break free. He grabbed her face and screamed an echoing "NO!" and as he did, his face melted and blurred, his eyes became hollow and black. In that moment I suddenly became the woman beneath him and the demon face looked pleased with the switch. As I was beginning to black out, the image of this dark haired woman with sinister eyes appeared and she was just laughing at me. She was so satisfied. I knew she was the killer. And I knew she was in the basement with the bodies.

I woke up with a start feeling the weight of a hand on my thigh. There was no one there. My body was tingly, my head was aching, and I couldn't go back into my room for hours.

I actually almost skipped... Praise iPod!

I have two songs that I currently want to keep playing on a loop. After all the troubles of the passed few days I almost skipped from the bus to these two songs that are making me happy. Here's my most memorable chunks of the day:

Posters by Jack Johnson

Cause when the pretty girl walks
She walks so proud
And when the pretty girl laughs
Oh man, she laughs so loud

And if it ain't this then its that
As a matter of fact
She hasn't had a day to relax
Since she has lost her ability to think clearly


I Am Aglow by Sarah Harmer

I am aglow with thoughts of you
Are the stories that you told me true?
It doesn’t matter if they are
They are to me, I am aglow

Some might say these thoughts are wrong
That you might see yourself in this song
I hope that you don’t mind if you do
I am aglow with thoughts of you

Does it matter that what I remember might be
Just my own imagination painting scenes more pretty
Is it obvious? Does it show?
With thoughts of you I am aglow

Some might say I’m thinking in sin
So I’ll just sit back and take you in
You’re a map of a place maybe someday I’ll go
With thoughts of you I am aglow

Does it matter that what I remember is not true
Does it matter that all I can think of is you

Rebecca Friendly

We are now in week five of six of our wacky cleanse. For the next two days we can only have raw or lightly steamed veggies and fruit. Fancy. It really is like an eating disorder with rules. The last time I felt like this was grade ten. Oh hunger.

I'm really satisfied that today is over. I had a sweet anxiety attack... and by sweet I mean one of my worst. I was incredibly out of control. I'm also not sleeping more than four or five hours a night because I don't want to. It's taking it's toll, especially with the not eating. My dizziness is fairly overwhelming. Anyway, I'm excited for tomorrow. I have to get through all the class stuff, cry my eyes out in bereavement, and then I get to see my Steve.

Day 50

My dad is in Guelph doing his show "Tales From an Empty Fridge" so I spent my morning in a theatre with 300 grade twos. It was one of those experience that rocked me a bit. I was just compelled to hug every single one of them. I just got all wrapped up in the fact that there are all these small people who are seven years old and functioning during the day entirely independent of their families. They are experiencing whatever stress is happening at home, and then they are going to school where sometimes they fall down and get hurt, sometimes they get teased for what they look like, and sometimes they get crushes and don't know what to do besides draw hearts and pull hair. I start crying at everything these days.

My afternoon was stressful and exhausting. I was upset and sad and shockingly low. I cried at the beginning of my Gender and Diversity class. Yeah. I'm feeling all right at the moment though. I've got that little edge of anxiety but I'm going to try to stave it off with tea and talks with that Steve guy. I'm just going to breathe.

The trouble with my schedule is that I'm getting home at 8pm every night and not starting my work until midnight. I don't see why tonight would be different. I have some real stuff to do though because I have a presentation tomorrow. Luckily all I really have to do is print overheads and come up with one discussion question. I'm just going to try to sleep before three because today did not feel good.

I thought there was no such thing as privacy!!!!!

I am so fucking frustrated right now! I need to call today in order to get an appoint during spring break for a craniosacral massage treatment with the same woman I saw just after New Years. This is ridiculously important to me. However, I am an idiot and have lost her business card. I know her name, and I know her address, but I can't get her damn number because she's not listed. I've spent an hour searching phone number databases and massage therapist listings for Toronto and I can't find her! You'd think that if this is her business she'd have something, but no. So I don't know what to do now. I cleaned the hell out of my room searching for this card and it's gone. God I'm dumb.

"Cat's Don't Take Vitamin Supplements"

Well, it's nearly two. I've been panicking. And now I'm drinking tea and thinking about getting some work done. I don't want to sleep. I don't really want to sleep ever again at this point. I just want to move in a state of dazed wakefulness for the rest of the week until someone can bring me down and help me to protect myself from the nightmares. I'm sick of this bulljive. I'm staring at this book I'm supposed to be analyzing and I just don't know what to do with it. This is bad. I have people I have to answer to tomorrow! Not. Good.

wait... anyone can have access to the internet?

Last year I started up this blog because I was really uncomfortable with my family reading it, namely my aunt. Now here's the thing, I understand that this is a public forum that anyone could be reading, but in my head I always just feel like it's my roommate, my boyfriend, and Matt and his friends reading it. I don't censor myself in front of those people. But the secrecy can only last so long. So I don't know what to do with myself. On one hand I feel like when I'm writing from the Box I am myself in all of my innapropriateness and despression and I feel like that's me and I don't want to lose it. By all logic my family should know me and accept me. I'm really disturbed by family dynamics and how much secrecy exists. There seem to be so many things that are known on such a surface level. This is not the level I blog on. So now I don't know. I want to feel comfortable with this. I want to live in a state where everytime I blog about pot, sex toys, anuses, nudity or queerness I won't have to feel horribly unsettled about my family's capacity to deal with such things. I'm tired of feeling judged. I'm tired of feeling exposed. Maybe I should just start a newsletter.

Cool Aunt Bex the Second

Something screwed up with el blogger, and my post "cool aunt bex" got deleted. Which is sad, because I really have little to no recollection of what it was about. I believe it involved the camp concert at the bullring and meeting up with my faux-nephews. Oh yeah, and how I felt incredibly mom-ish and was worried that I would carried away this weekend. Anyway, I did okay. I was slightly compelled to care for my friends, but I tried to keep it at bay. My faux-nephews ended up blowing me off for dinner again, which kind of sucks. I've been trying to get them to the box since september and it hasn't happened yet. Oldest faux nephew is having a rough time so I can be sort of understanding, but I just wanted to feed him so he'd feel better! Oh wow I'm such a Jew.


If you're squeamish around menstrual blood I'd stop reading now...

I'm slightly overwhelmed at the moment. I have 143 pages of The Monk to read for tomorrow, and some preparations for a presentation on Wednesday. I can probably come close to finishing. On top of that my body is entirely screwed up. I haven't bled for fifty days. The doc says I'm not preggers, so I'm just ridiculously messed up. I took that regularity for granted when I was on the pill. Bah. I'm pretty freaked out by the whole thing.

got cunt?

I'm feeling shockingly alert considering the night I had last night. Our friends Tom and Sam bussed in for a night of nachos, guac, pot, apple berry crumble, hilarious jokes and tripped out movies. I think I needed a night of mindlessness. I was a little momma-esque, but after I made everyone dinner and baked them a dessert I settled it down. We ended up staying up until 5am making jokes about selling ghosts on e-bay and musing about title tracks on our future albums. 7:05pm-5am and I don't remember much. It was really nice. My bed was fairly lonely, but that's okay.

We woke up this morning around noon and all stumbled together in the livingroom. The boys waked and baked, and we watched. RIght now Jess and I are playing the time wasting game watching Fromage 2005. I'll get to working soon. My dad is in Guelph doing a show this week, so I have to get up early and go see him this week. That's going to be an adventure.

Uh oh. Jess is putting on her shovelin' clothes. I guess that means I should get rolling soon. Maybe some cat snuggling first.

Slide.

I was promised hugging. There has been none. This was my first week of doing my stress management group and my bereavement group. I'm thinking of adding a cognitive behavioural group at the moment. I'm cultivating a tyler durden-esque existence for myself. There's crying, but definitely no hugging yet. I think I need me some bob and some bitchtits. I find comfort in tits.

I'm pretty exhausted at the moment. Tonight Jess and I are going to a benefit concert put on by one of our ex-menno counselors. It should be fun. After that I'm going to stop by and visit my faux-nephews. But I'm pretty hesitant since there is a huge epidemic of this terrible 48 hour gastrointestinal virus wiping out all the Guel-jivers. Apparently in my faux-nephew's residence there have been over 300 cases. So yeah, going in there is not my top order of business. The outbreak is actually a pretty decently big deal. There are posters all over campus, they e-mailed every student, and it was on the news tonight, yowza. Hopefully my magical cleanse has rendered my immune system invincible.

This Really Frosts My Lizard

Here's the trouble with a long distance relationships... sometimes there are really good sex related episodes of Weeds on, and sometimes your roomates make sexual jokes all night, and sometimes you end up on the trojan website playing their game "ball busters" for over half an hour, and sometimes you know that it will be seven to fourteen days until you get to see your lover. It's troublesome at best.

Revenge of the Syph...illis

Jess and I weren't feeling well today. We thought it might be syphillis. So now I'm forcing Tama to waste away in front of the tv with me. I have a number of things to do before I sleep and that's never good. I pulled today off fairly nicely though. I'll do work for real this weekend I swear.

The cats are being bad and I'm too tired to care. It's upsetting. I tried to make chocolate drops for the second time today with rice milk and cocoa and stevia. They are the worst things I've ever had in my life. I've now wasted six cups of oats, two cups of coconut and a plethera of other ingredients on these terrible faux cookies. We're going to a dessert potluck tomorrow and it's going to be excruciating to have nothing good to eat. I did make a pretty good chili though, and there's lots of groceries with delicious food potential.

We just started week 4 today which means we're half way through the cleanse. We're all pretty proud of ourselves. Week four checklist is no stress foods, animal protein only two to three times per week, four servings of green vegetables daily, one glass of fresh vegetable juice or a green drink daily. Not so bad, it's just remembering not to eat all of the good stuff that sucks. Though I'm not having such a hard time with wheat and dairy.

Now off to request free condoms from the trojan site. Funny that I'm working so damn hard to cleanse my body of all the bad things and now I'm thinking of putting faux estrogen and progesterone back into my system.